Be Careful of the Curse
by xoxothesubwayfugitive
Summary: -"I'm not afraid of pain, Lucius," she said, and she didn't even have to think. "I'm afraid of not being with you."- Lucius and Narcissa are brought together by their families, but even so are fiercely devoted to one another from the beginning. How will war affect their lives and their love? A detailed look at their relationship through the years.
1. The Arrangement

**Finally living my dream of writing the story of Lucius and Narcissa right from the beginning. I just love them and their devotion to one another so much, and I can't wait to dive more into their relationship and how they deal with all the difficulties of war along the way. I also think we never saw enough of the Black sisters in the books, and they are super interesting in my eyes so I definitely want to play with that a little bit. I hope you guys enjoy this start!**

 **The title is from the Florence + the Machine song _Howl:_ _Be careful of the curse that falls on young lovers/_ _Starts so soft and sweet and turns them to hunters_**

* * *

At Malfoy Manor, there is a small picture framed and placed on the mantelpiece of a tiny, toddler Lucius grinning like crazy as a baby Narcissa Black is placed in his outstretched arms. He's sitting in an armchair surrounded by pillows (clearly no one really trusted him to do the job), but he holds the little bundle with reverence and delight. On the back the words _New friends, 1957_ are written in spidery script, because that's all the two were ever meant to be, really. Just friends.

* * *

Originally, Andromeda had been promised to Lucius. His parents had thought Bellatrix, although nearly the exact same age as him, too rough, and Narcissa too young, but they were taken with Andromeda's sweet nature in her younger years. It was important to keep all the pureblood families close; these kinds of agreements were completely accepted in elite circles.

They had all grown up together, first rolling about in the dirt and then later, when the girls began to be reprimanded for that sort of behavior, holding tea parties that Lucius would attend under the threat of duress from Bellatrix.

"Thank you so much for letting him play with them," his mother would always say to theirs. "It's hard on him being an only, and there aren't many other children I really think of as being up to caliber. You know those Lestrange boys are rather _rough_."

That last bit always came out in a whisper, and Druella would nod her head and purse her lips.

"We had all better hope they outgrow it. Such a good family, what a shame."

Narcissa knew about these conversations because she and Lucius would always go press their ears against the sitting room door when his mother came to fetch him. For some reason it was only she who was selected for this task, and she never turned it down. Any time alone with him was golden to her, even at the youngest age, and when she finally got to go to Hogwarts too, it hurt her that they were never able to spend much time with one another. Occasionally, he would come down early to weekend breakfasts and sit next to her, closer than they knew they should be.

"What have you been up to?" he would always ask, and for some reason she would blush and be unable to look to him.

"Same as always," she would say, and he would laugh kindly.

"There must be something new. We never get to talk."

So she would launch into tales of her latest failed Transfiguration attempt or of the fight she was having with her roommates, and he always seemed, without fail, incredibly interested.

* * *

Lucius and Andromeda had been allowed to go on a few unsupervised dates together as the date and details of their wedding began to be finalized. Narcissa would stand at the window above the front door and watch him walk up to the house, wishing he was hers.

Andromeda always returned home from these outings in a mood, and Narcissa could never understand why. She would beg her sister for the details, and by all accounts Lucius was a perfect suitor, polite and generous.

" _You_ would like him, Cissy," Andromeda would say, and Narcissa knew it was the truth. There was nothing she would like more than to be escorted about town and to all the most important functions by a tall, handsome Lucius Malfoy. As the youngest, her parents were putting off matching her with someone until her sisters were settled down, and she was really beginning to feel left out. Bellatrix had finally paired herself off with Rodolphus, although she didn't seem to be particularly in love with him to Narcissa's eyes. Oftentimes she would still spend the night in the family home, rather than with her husband, and they couldn't ever get her to say one kind word about him.

"It's normal," their mother would say, nervous smile on her face. "Perfectly normal for a young girl just married to be shy this way. They'll warm up to one another."

But Bellatrix had never been shy before, and Narcissa and Andromeda would glance at one another when their mother made these justifications, remembering her old misgivings about what sort of crowd the Lestrange boys ran with.

* * *

The family was thrown into crisis when Andromeda disappeared, right after she graduated and right before the wedding date. The note she had left on her bed warned them in no uncertain terms to not try and find her, not unless they wanted to suffer the consequences of angering the entire Order of the Phoenix.

 _And he's Muggle-born, too,_ she wrote, _so I'm guessing you won't be wanting to see me again anyway._

Narcissa read this note in tears after she picked it out of the wastebin where her mother had tossed it after only one quick reading. She tried to smooth it out in vain, hands shaking. In the other room, she could hear them discussing the wedding that was only a few weeks away.

"Cancel everything," she heard her mother say, voice like ice. "Even if…well, even if something can be sorted, we can't have the ceremony so soon."

"Would it really be so bad to just keep the arrangements set?" her father asked.

"It would be a scandal beyond scandals to do it so quickly, Cygnus. Let the thought leave your mind."

Narcissa was crying on her window seat, apparently the only family member upset by the news, as she watched an owl fly away, and then return about an hour later bearing a very impressive piece of stationary.

A sigh of relief came from her parents' room.

"They've agreed," her mother said.

Narcissa went to bed that night at her usual time, but didn't fall asleep. She tried to understand what her parents could have been whispering about, what could have been more important than the disappearance of their daughter. She thought briefly of Lucius Malfoy, presumably heartbroken over this news…

Just as she was on the dizzying edge of sleep, Bellatrix burst through door and leaped onto Narcissa's bed, shaking her.

"Cissy, Cissy, how does it feel?"

"How does what feel? You're hurting me, Bella."

"How does it feel to be the new Mrs. Malfoy?"

"You're out of your mind," Narcissa said, trying to sound calm as her stomach plummeted.

"Not in the least. He's coming to get you _tomorrow_." And then she was gone, as quickly as she had come.

As Narcissa lay awake that night, considering her fate, she was conflicted between every indecent thought she had ever had about Lucius Malfoy, and the idea that she was to become a wife much sooner than she had ever hoped.

* * *

When Narcissa woke, after only a few hours of very restless sleep, it was because someone was knocking on the door.

"Narcissa, I'm coming in," she finally heard them say, and the door opened to reveal her mother, dressed very finely. "It's time to get up, dear. We have guests."

Suddenly Narcissa remembered her conversation with Bellatrix the night before, and she sat straight up in bed.

"Don't let them take me!" she practically shouted, barely thinking.

"Let who take you where?" Druella was still matter-of-factly selecting something from her daughter's closet.

"Don't let Lucius Malfoy take me away."

Her mother looked at her, shocked.

"No one is taking you anywhere. Who told you that?"

Able to breathe again, Narcissa relaxed a little.

"Bella."

"Of course she did. She's always one to rile people up." Druella sighed and sat down at the foot of the bed, stroking her daughter's leg through the covers.

"The Malfoys are here," she went on, "and they _are_ here to discuss you and Lucius getting married, but only someday. You still need to finish school, and he'll need to get his head around the change. But you are going to have to get up and pull yourself together just a bit, darling. And why don't you wear this?" She held out a set of robes that Narcissa usually only wore on very special occasions. She took the hanger and got out of bed, headed to the bathroom to make something of herself.

Narcissa tried not to take too long to get ready despite the foreboding feeling in the pit of her stomach; she didn't want anyone thinking that she was spoiled, or high maintenance. Shaking, she opened the door to her bedroom and began what felt like the longest walk of her life.

As she neared the sitting room, she could hear the rumble of low voices. Getting closer, she overheard her name, and a mention of Hogwarts.

 _Beautiful,_ someone said.

Narcissa pushed the door open, and just stood there for a moment, observing the scene. It seemed that the only person who noticed her right away was Lucius, who was standing with his back to the wall and arms crossed on his chest. He smiled lazily at her when she entered, and rolled his eyes. She was amazed by how calm he seemed. Their parents were sitting in the center of the room, tea cooling on the table in front of them. She wanted to yell out and remind them that one of their number had just gone missing, disappeared from their lives forever. Instead of worrying, they were laughing and having an apparently wonderful time. Cygnus's head finally turned to her, and he jumped up.

"Narcissa, what on earth are you doing just standing there? Announce yourself, child!" But he was still laughing, and he went to her to lead her into the fray.

* * *

After they had been sitting there for about 15 minutes, talking about nothing in particular as Narcissa slowly folded and unfolded her handkerchief many times over, Lucius went to his father and whispered something in his ear. Abraxas nodded, and Lucius straightened up.

"Why don't we let the young lovers go off on their own for a bit, while we iron out all the ugly money business? Just into the front garden, where we can see them."

Everyone agreed, and Narcissa soon found herself on Lucius's arm. They went out into the tangle that was the Black's front yard; their ancestors had been some of the first to truly settle in London, and the house was set on an unusually large lot. All around the bench Lucius settled them on, magical plants were growing, including some that would bite those who weren't careful with their hands.

"How are you taking this news?" he asked her. Narcissa looked up and into the front window where she could see that the grownup's conversation had turned more serious. Her father was writing something on a piece of parchment, and Lucius's mother's brow was furrowed. Behind her, life in Muggle London continued beyond the dense shrubbery.

"I haven't taken it too much at all, if I'm being honest. It's just starting to sink in, and really I've been thinking more of Andy…not that there aren't things concerning _us_ to think of, but it's all come as such a shock to me. Apparently I'm the only one."

"No offense taken. But you have to know that your sister wasn't happy. I could always see it, and to be honest I wondered how she and I could make a go at it together."

"Really?"

"Really. Know that she'll be happier wherever she's gone, Narcissa."

"That's very sweet of you to say," she said, absentmindedly wondering what it would be like to hold his hand.

"I'm a very sweet man, you'll find. No different from when we were young." She looked up, and he had that same lazy smile on. It had been a long time since they had been alone together, a whole year since he had left school and they had been able to have breakfast, and he was really looking so much more adult that she remembered.

"I guess I can only hope so." She was smiling too.

* * *

On her last first day at Hogwarts, she received a letter by way of a very handsome eagle owl.

"Who's it from?" Cecily Parkinson asked her, leaning over into Narcissa's space at the table.

"Mind your own business, Cecily," said Narcissa, who had noticed the seal on the parchment and worried that she was rapidly turning bright red. "It's just something from home anyway."

"Oh, like fun it is. I see the look on your face, and you've been acting strange since the train. Something happened this summer that you're not telling."

"Maybe I can't tell, and you're being exceptionally rude. Considered that?"

Narcissa stood up, leaving her breakfast untouched.

"I'll see you in Potions," she said as she left, envelope clutched to her chest.

She found a little niche in the dungeon hallway, and sat with her letter. An _M_ cast in glittering green wax winked up at her, and carefully, as if she might never see anything so lovely again, she broke the seal, trying to keep it as intact as possible.

 _Lovely Narcissa,_

 _I've been thinking about you quite a lot, and I've come to the conclusion that I must just be the luckiest man alive. The thought of you locked away at Hogwarts is almost too much to bear, and I hope you won't mind finding me waiting in Hogsmeade when you have your first weekend out._

 _I must confess, truly, that while I did care for your sister in a familial sort of way, your introduction into my life is really a godsend. I hope that we can really love each other in the way couples should; personally, I'm already most of the way there._

 _Maybe this letter is a bit forward, but I couldn't let you forget about me. Just one year, darling, and then we'll really get to know one another, away from sitting room doors and the Slytherin table._

 _Love,_

 _Lucius_

Narcissa's head was spinning; although boys would often lay it on thick to try and charm her into giving them her affections, this felt very different indeed. Already she was thinking of what to wear to Hogsmeade and how to write back in such a way as to keep him wanting more. With the word _love_ still flashing before her eyes, she got up and, somewhat unsteadily, made her way down the hall to Potions.

* * *

 **Next up: their first real date in Hogsmeade!**

 **If you really love Lucissa and you want to read something else before this story updates again, try out my oneshot _Shifting_! It's about their relationship and also a really cool headcanon about Narcissa I have. **

**xoxo**


	2. Hogsmeade

Narcissa hung behind her friends as they walked all together to Hogsmeade, trying her best to lose them before they arrived. She hadn't told anyone at school about Lucius; she found that even trying to say his name made her throat close up and her cheeks turn pink, and she had been diligently trying to avoid thinking about the fuss that the two of them meeting in the little village would cause. Finally, her friends rounded the last corner and she stopped to pretend to tie her shoe as they disappeared from view. She could hear them laughing for a bit, and then the sound receded, and she felt adequately alone. Behind her a few small groups of younger students lagged, but not anyone she felt she should be intimidated of. She went around the bend herself, and had the full view of the high street. The way forward was lined with cheerful jack-o-lanterns, and in the early fall light, the whole town looked particularly nice. She hurried forward but stopped in her tracks when she saw a figure, back to her, standing just at the edge of where the road turned from dirt to cobbles. He was taller than she remembered, and surely more broad shouldered, and his hair looked much, much longer. Most fantastic, and unbelievable of all, he turned and started to smile at her as if she was the most perfect thing he had ever seen.

"Embarrassed of me?" he called out, and her cheeks darkened as a few people farther up the road turned back at the sound.

"No, no," she said back, rushing to greet him. "I just haven't quite told anyone yet."

When she finally got close to him, Narcissa wasn't sure what to do. An itching deep in her arms was urging her to reach out and pull him into a hug, but she could see the look on her mother's face if they were to do such a thing. So she offered her hand and he took it, brushing his lips against the back in just the way any gentleman would. But he glanced up as he did so, and his eyes betrayed what he would rather be doing.

"What shall we do?" she asked as he straightened up and they began to walk towards the center of town.

"Anything you'd like, I'd say."

"I don't want to go anywhere too public, if you don't mind."

"Not at all. Except all of Hogwarts is here, practically, so I'm not sure where we could hide."

"Maybe just a walk then?" she suggested, hoping that he wouldn't think of her as frightened, or boring, or childish.

"A walk it is." He offered his arm, and blushing up to her hairline, she took it.

* * *

As the light dwindled away and the time grew close for her to make her way back to school, they walked back into town from the Shrieking Shack, which they had sat in front of for several hours, talking and talking without pause. Narcissa let Lucius take her hand at one point, and he hadn't let go since she had. Back in Hogsmeade, there was a steady flow of students moving back towards Hogwarts, and the couple was easily lost in the crowd. He pulled her aside just before they were back at the edge of town, and turned her to look at their reflection in the window of The Magic Neep. Her cheeks were rosy from the stiff wind and excitement, and his hair was slightly disheveled. They looked like any young couple, glowing and happy, and Narcissa silently thanked her sister for running away to her own new life.

"We look well together, don't we?" Lucius asked, and she nodded, unable to take her eyes away from him.

"Perfect," she said. They stood there a while longer, just looking, and eventually she began to forget everyone around them, even her friends, whom she had seen watching them with mouths open through the window of the Three Broomsticks.

"Narcissa?" he said, and in the reflection she saw him look down towards her.

"What?" She glanced up, and there was a terrifying, wonderful look in his eyes.

"Your mother isn't here. What are you frightened of?"

He leaned down and placed his hand under her chin at the same time, and against the voice in her head screaming about propriety, she let her eyes close and her lips touch his.

* * *

Narcissa scrambled away from him almost as soon as the kiss ended, worried of who had seen and what they would think, and also worried that if she stayed a second longer, she would never be able to pull away from him again.

"You'll be here next time?" she asked, and he nodded with his mouth open as she turned and practically ran back towards the castle. Narcissa's heart was beating faster than she thought it ever had before, and she didn't make it too far before she had to stop and catch her breath. Just when she thought she could start her walk again, a force like a brick wall slammed into her from behind and threw her to her knees.

"You little sneak!" Cecily cried out, and all of her other friends were also talking a mile a minute as they piled around her. "This is what all those letters that make you choke on your toast have been about? How could you keep such a secret from us?"

"Things weren't settled yet," Narcissa said haughtily, lying through her teeth as she tried to straighten her hair from the tangle the wind and the impact had created.

"Liar," Georgia Yates said, pulling her up to her feet and starting to march her homewards. "That didn't look very much like something that wasn't settled. I suppose they decided it right after your sister ran off, didn't they? The truth is that you're a shy little thing and you know that Lucius Malfoy has always made you turn a bright shade of red, even when he wasn't yours to have."

"Well, _maybe_ that's it."

"We got a massive load of sweets from Honeydukes while you were hiding from us, and we're going to stay up all night and eat every bit of it while you tell us every detail. And we'll be reading those letters, too," Cecily said, clearly overflowing with glee. "Imagine, proper little Narcissa Black who never even lets the boys talk to her _snogging_ a man two years her senior in front of half the school."

"It wasn't like _that_!" Narcissa exclaimed, horrified.

"Wasn't it?" Anna Fawley asked. "You should have seen it, Cissy, it was like out of a romance novel."

Narcissa turned pink yet again, but didn't argue any longer. It was a nice image in her mind, and she spent the rest of the way back trying to imagine just what they had looked like as her friends gibbered on around her.

* * *

Back in the dormitory, most of the girls went to go shower and comb the knots from her hair, but Narcissa only wanted to collapse into bed and squeeze her pillow very, very tightly. However, when she got to her bed she found a letter waiting for her on her pillow. Straightaway she recognized Andromeda's writing, and she ripped it open. Standing next to her bed with her hand over her mouth, she read the whole thing 5 times over.

 _Dear Narcissa,_

 _First I have to say that I miss you awfully, and I wish our relationship didn't have to be caught in the crossfire of this feud. But I couldn't stay any longer, and I certainly couldn't marry Lucius. Maybe you've heard, but I've been staying with Ted Tonks and his family, and he and I are planning on getting married ourselves. We'd been carrying on in secret at Hogwarts for years, and it was more than time for me to stand up for what I believe in._

 _That brings me to the point of my letter. I know you've always been more traditional than me, but you've also had a better heart than Bellatrix or Mother and Father. I know you don't hate the way they do, I just know it. Please prove me right and don't marry Lucius; maybe you care for him, but I have to tell you that he is not a good man. He's more deeply wrapped up in the Dark Arts than you know, and he'll soon be more than casually involved in this war that's mounting around us. It doesn't affect you much now, tucked away safe at school and at home, but out in the real world people are getting hurt and dying. I don't want to see my baby sister on the wrong side of all this._

 _Please write me back; I can help you run away the same way I did. It seems hard now but you'll be happier for it. Trust me._

 _Love,_

 _Andy_

"Cissy, are you alright?" Cecily had come back into the room to find Narcissa clutching at her sheets, face white and breath shallow. She ran to her friend's side and helped her sit down, taking the letter out of her hands. Cecily read it once and then balled it up, tossing it aside.

"Listen to me, Cissy," she said, crouching down to meet Narcissa's eyes. "Andromeda is out of your life now. She doesn't believe what we believe, and she's made her choice. But I saw you and Lucius today, and I see the way you look when you read his letters. He's going to give you everything you have ever wanted, and I promise he won't land you on the "wrong side" of anything. He's one of us, and he loves you. Ok?"

Narcissa nodded and swallowed hard, blinking away tears.

"I just never imagined that she and I wouldn't have each other."

"You have something better now. Should we go eat?"

"Sure," Narcissa said shakily, and they rose together.

* * *

After dinner, Narcissa went back to the Slytherin dormitory before everyone else and found a piece of parchment to start a letter of her own.

 _Dear Lucius,_

 _First, I have to tell you that I'm sorry I ran off this afternoon. Don't think I didn't enjoy our time together, or our kiss, because I really, truly did. But you should know I get nervous sometimes, and kissing you in front of crowds of people, especially people who could tell my parents about our antics, really spooked me. However, I'm already looking forward to the next Hogsmeade weekend and letting you make me feel that particular brand of thrilled and scared and safe all wrapped in one again._

 _Second, I just want to tell you that while the story behind our relationship may be unorthodox, I'm completely committed already. You are the person I've been dreaming of since I was little, quite literally. Andromeda never knew how lucky she was, and I want to be the girl you deserve. I can't wait to see where our life together goes._

 _Love,_

 _Narcissa_

Her roommates were starting to get back from dinner as she sealed the letter shut, and they began to pull out their Honeydukes packages, laughing and calling for her to show them her box of letters from Lucius.

"Just wait a little bit longer, girls," she said, pulling on a sweater. "I've got to go up to the Owlery."

She left, feeling perfectly sure of herself.

* * *

 **Next: there are some secrets Lucius hasn't shared with Narcissa...**


	3. Christmas Secrets

Christmas that year was strange; Andromeda's presence was noticeably absent, and Lucius came to stay for a few days between Christmas and New Year's. Her parents looked on with pride as he was allowed to kiss her chastely on the cheek each night, and they beamed when he presented her with a real engagement ring, a flawless but modestly sized emerald set in gleaming platinum.

"Officially engaged for all the world to see, how marvelous. Such a beautiful couple," her mother said as Lucius knelt before Narcissa, the Christmas tree as a backdrop, in front of the whole family. "Even more perfect than –" She stopped herself and cleared her throat. "Well, completely perfect."

"Thank you, Mrs. Black," Lucius said as he stood and placed his arm around Narcissa. "Your daughter makes me truly happy, happier than I thought possible."

In the corner, Bellatrix was rolling her eyes, and when Narcissa glanced at her, she stuck out her tongue. Narcissa looked back up at Lucius, trying to push her sister from her mind for the time being. He met her eye and winked; they had talked beforehand about exactly what he could say to make her mother get all weepy.

Later that night, Narcissa met Lucius in the dim hallway that led to the wing of the house where the guest rooms were, and they tucked themselves behind a statue of a centaur raised up on his back hooves.

"You did perfectly," she said, putting her hands on his face to pull him close. She had had a few more glasses of wine at dinner than she was used to, and they had toasted with champagne later in the evening. Lucius would have been bemused at her unusual display of affection if he hadn't been tipsy himself, and he threw caution to the wind to press her up against the wall.

"I only spoke the truth, darling. There were more things I could have said, although they might have shocked your dear mother. For example, I could have told everyone how much I like this dress." Lucius placed his lips gently at her collarbone, and Narcissa giggled as her back arched towards him. "Or how much I want to see what's underneath…"

There was a moment where scenes from the romance novels Georgia kept under her mattress at school flashed before Narcissa's eyes, and she could imagine Lucius holding her tight as she hitched up her skirts and wrapped her legs around him. She sank deeper into the fantasy as he continued his ministrations, and didn't stop him when she felt his hands move around to the buttons on the back of her dress. But then there was a loud creak down the hall, and she snapped from her reverie, shoving him away with unprecedented force. He tripped over his own feet and landed hard on the floor, and her hands shot up to cover her mouth before she could scream. She dropped to his side immediately, whispering apologies, but he was already laughing.

"We were getting ahead of ourselves, Cissy. It's for the best if we go to bed. Separately."

She smiled down at him; his pale hair was nearly glowing in what little light was seeping through the doorway at the end of the hall, and he looked to her like a fallen angel. All she wanted to do was take his hand and lead him down to her bedroom, to fall asleep with his head on her chest, to wake up with him there, but she knew he was right. The time for those things would come soon, and there was no use getting in trouble that night.

"One more," she said, bending to meet his lips.

* * *

Narcissa went to her own bed reluctantly, and although she was drowsy from the wine she found she couldn't sleep. Of course there were the feelings of longing for Lucius to overcome, and her heart did seem to beat faster every time she remembered the feeling of his hand slipping lower and lower down her back, but she had felt those things before, after Saturdays in Hogsmeade when she would go back to the castle with reddened, sore lips. No, that night the image that she couldn't seem to push from her thoughts was Bellatrix's look across the sitting room. It had been a long time since she and her sister had had a meaningful conversation, and Narcissa was suddenly unsure if she could stand to go another day without some sisterly bonding. As she thought more and more about Bellatrix, she remembered all the mysteries that had plagued her for years, about Rodolphus and about Bellatrix's increasingly surly disposition. Soon Bellatrix would return to her own home, and Narcissa would be back at school; if there was a time to investigate it was then. She slipped from bed and found a warm dressing gown to wrap up in for the walk through drafty halls.

The short journey only intensified Narcissa's anger at so clearly being kept in the dark by her sister, and by the time she made it to Bellatrix's room she was fuming.

"Why isn't Rodolphus here?" she demanded as she threw the door open. "Why do you stay apart from him so much?"

"Shut the door and quiet down, Cissy," Bellatrix hissed at her. "And maybe I'll tell you a secret."

Narcissa did as told, going to join her sister in bed, where she was reading a nasty looking book of Dark magic.

"And why do you read those things? You're acting so strange lately."

"I thought I told you to be quiet."

"I need some answers, Bella. You can't keep me in the dark forever."

Bellatrix sighed and put the book aside.

"First of all, you really shouldn't drink, should you? Look at how feisty you've gotten. Second of all, if you must know, Dolph and I aren't really in love, not like you and Lucius. We were just smart enough to make the match ourselves before we were forced on other people. People who wouldn't agree with us."

"Oh."

"Are you shocked?"

"I don't know if shocked is the word. But I do want you to be happy, Bella."

"But are you beginning to understand?"

"I think so. You're fighting for Lord –"

"The Dark Lord, Cissy. That's what we call him, what you'll call him soon enough." There was a terrible gleam in Bellatrix's eyes as she spoke of him, and Narcissa felt chills run over her.

"Andy warned me about this."

"Andy?" Bellatrix's tone was sharp, but her face softened noticeably. "You've spoken to her?"

"She sent me a letter and told me to run away from Lucius. From everything."

"And did you reply?"

Narcissa shook her head, suddenly not trusting her voice.

"Good, Narcissa, you did the right thing. It's sad, but she's lost her mind and we won't be able to bring her 'round. I suggest you just try and forget about her, and be happy with Lucius. You do love him, don't you?"

"Madly, Bella. You can't even imagine how it feels when we're together."

"Then that's all that matters."

"But is he…has he joined you, and the Dark Lord?" It felt strange to say the name aloud, and even stranger to have to ask Bellatrix to tell her Lucius's darkest secret.

"Yes, he's completely on our side. As a matter of fact, when he leaves tomorrow, he'll come to our house and we'll finally all take the Dark Lord's mark. Hasn't he spoken to you about it at all?"

"No."

Bellatrix considered this as she absentmindedly stroked her left arm with a single finger.

"It's for the best," she seemed to decide. "He didn't want to worry you, so just let him go on thinking you don't know. Look at me, Cissy."

Narcissa did, and she saw cold determination in her sister's eyes. Any trace of childhood innocence, what little she once had, was gone.

"Lucius is doing the right thing for your future. I promise. It may seem cold-hearted, but when you're the queen of all you see, you won't regret any of this. Just support him."

Narcissa got up and made her way to the door, stopping with her hand on the knob.

"You are happy, aren't you Bella? Even without love?"

"Happier than ever, Cissy. You'll see. And I have a little love. I love you."

"I love you too."

In the morning they all saw Lucius off, and when he bent to kiss her on the cheek, Narcissa wished she could reach out and hold him close to whisper that he needn't hide from her.

* * *

The train ride back from Christmas holiday was always too hot from overzealous Warming Charms placed on each carriage, and Narcissa and her friends were already stripped down to their lightest layers before the train even began to move. At the very last minute, just before they lurched away from the platform, Georgia came running into the carriage, out of breath from running to make it aboard. She shut the door on a girl in the aisle ( _Hufflepuff, by the looks of her,_ Narcissa thought uncharitably) who was crying and clutching at that morning's _Daily Prophet_ while two friends led her to their seats.

"Awful stuff," Georgia said, removing her hat and gloves in a hurry. "Her aunt's been killed by those – what do they call themselves? Death Eaters?"

"Yes," Anna verified, "sort of cruel, isn't it? I mean, obviously blood status is important, but mustn't we draw the line somewhere?"

"The Ministry isn't doing anything about it though, you have to admit," Cecily chimed in. She had always been much more vocal about pureblood supremacy than any of them. "I mean, when they can hold all the same jobs as us, marry who they want…it's a mess, really. Maybe something drastic does have to happen."

Anna and Georgia stared at her open-mouthed for a moment before remembering themselves. Anna turned to Narcissa, who hadn't so much as moved through the whole conversation, and tried to catch her attention.

"What do you think of it all, Cissy? Your family's one of the most important when it comes to these things."

Narcissa wanted absolutely no part in the conversation; she had been staring intently out the window since Georgia had told them why the girl was crying. A part of her wanted to cry as well, and another could only wonder if Lucius was safe. She certainly had no intention of sharing his secret with her friends, and decided that it was far past time to change the subject.

"I don't know," she said, dramatically removing her left hand from where it had been hidden under the cloak on her lap. She placed it on her cheek before going on. "I don't keep up much with current events."

As she had predicted, her friends started squealing and grabbing out for her hand.

"That must have cost a fortune!" Cecily exclaimed, getting the first look, and Narcissa breathed a sigh of relief as the subject of Death Eaters clearly was forgotten.

"I'm sure it did," she replied, gloating a little. "Goblin-made, of course. He made sure it was small enough to not be distracting at school."

"I'm not sure how well that's going to work out," Anna said. "It's pretty distracting."

"When's the wedding? Did you start planning it over break?" Georgia asked.

"Yes, it's going to be this summer, but I'm letting Mother do most of the work, honestly. I still want to do well at my N.E.W.T.S. even if I'll be a wife soon after they're done."

"You're so responsible, Cissy. I'm in awe. If I were you I would have already burned my books," Cecily said, tossing herself back against the seat. "Frankly, I wouldn't be able to think about anything but the wedding night."

"Stop it," Narcissa replied. "You're being vulgar."

"Are you telling me you don't think about it? Even you can't be so pure."

"Well, maybe I _think_ about it. Occasionally."

"You've been thinking about it since you knew what it was," Georgia insisted. "I know you always fancied Lucius, and now he's all yours. You might as well do it soon and just get it over with."

"We can't all be you, Georgia, and be so bold about it."

"Cruel little thing. You know I only go with boys who really loooooove me."

"I didn't know the entire Ravenclaw Quidditch team looooooved you, Georgie! When's _that_ wedding?" Anna teased.

"Now that one was a nasty rumor, and you know it. It was only the Seeker, and two of the Chasers…"

Their chattered droned on around Narcissa, who wasn't paying any attention. She was looking out the window at the dirty suburbs of London speeding away, a flush creeping up her neck as she considered what Georgia had said.

* * *

 **Next: a first time for everything**

 **xoxo**


	4. Honesty

On the morning of the first Hogsmeade weekend since Christmas, Narcissa was eating breakfast with Severus Snape, if you could call it that. They were both deeply engaged in their work; she was looking forward to the day ahead, but couldn't afford to waste the morning, and Severus turned out to be the perfect quiet companion. As a compromise to herself, she was studying Charms basics, one of her favorite subjects. The mere idea of studying something like Arithmancy at that hour gave her a headache. Occasionally she would glance over at Severus, unsure of what someone his age could be so concerned with at 7 on a Saturday morning, but his head was bowed too low to tell.

Suddenly someone was tossing a bit of parchment down beside her, and pulling back the bench. She turned to see who was causing the disruption and found her cousin Sirius sitting down and helping himself to a cup of tea.

"We don't like bullies here, Sirius," she said coolly, going back to where she had left off in her notes.

"Don't worry Cissy, I haven't come to bother your little friend. I'm here for you."

"An immense honor."

"I've had a letter from mother this morning telling me I must not, under any circumstances, plan to be at my troublesome friend James Potter's house this July, as I'll be needing to attend a family event."

"Is that so?"

"It is. And I've taken that as a sign that I should make the trip all the way over here to the Slytherin table and tell you I don't think you should marry Lucius Malfoy."

"That's very funny, Sirius, because I don't remember asking you what you thought of my love life."

"Can we be serious for a moment, Narcissa?"

She laid down her quill and looked at him, and she could tell, from years of experience, that he really was trying to do something kind. She also noted that he looked like hell, as if he hadn't slept in days.

"Malfoy's not a good guy, and I like to think you're better than that. You protected Snivellus from me just now, didn't you? Why take up with the Death Eaters if you can't even handle a little teasing?"

She chewed on her toast before answering, taking a moment to look at Severus. His head was even closer to his parchment than before, and he seemed to be using his hair as a shield of sorts.

"You don't know what you're talking about Sirius, and that's going to have to be the end of it between us. I know you'd keep worrying the issue all day if I'd let you, but I won't. Go back to your friends."

Sirius snatched up the letter and crumpled it, tossing it to the ground as he, rather roughly, got up from the bench.

"I tried to warn you, Narcissa, so you better never say I didn't."

Narcissa was sure people would be staring by then, so she didn't turn to watch him go. After the flush of anger left her, however, she did look up at Severus, who was staring with great longing over her shoulder. She followed his eyes to the Gryffindor table, where Sirius was sitting back down with Lily Evans, and the sandy-haired boy whose name she could never recall, no matter how many times Sirius told her. Lily was stroking the boy's back as he sat with his head resting on his arms, and Narissa suddenly understood the look in Severus's eye.

"I honestly don't know what you see in her, Sev," she said, returning to her notes, "All that red hair, what a mess."

He shook himself out of his trance and began to slowly roll up the parchment he had been so intently scribbling on. Narcissa saw a flush of red move up his face; she recognized the feeling well.

"Can I ask you a favor, Narcissa?" he asked, eyes still down.

"Sure, Sev, ask away."

"If you're going to…I mean, not to be too forward, but I assume you will…just that I've seen you two before, so I think it's safe to ask, and after what Sirius just said –"

"Severus, you don't have to be afraid. It's just me. What is it?"

"Can you give this to Lucius this afternoon? If you're going to see him, I mean."

She almost burst out laughing but choked it back as well as she could. All that, just to ask her to hand Lucius a piece of paper.

"I am going to see him, and I will give it to him. I promise you it's not any trouble. But aren't you going to Hogsmeade?"

Severus glanced nervously up and over her shoulder again, and she suddenly understood. Another quick look told her that James Potter had joined the little group, and she could only imagine what kind of damage they could inflict on Severus on the long walk to Hogsmeade, if they chose to.

"I'm sorry they bother you so much. I wish I knew how to make them stop. Do you want to walk back to the dungeons with me?"

He nodded vigorously, and they both began to pack their schoolbags.

* * *

It was bitterly cold that day, and rather than making their way to the Shrieking Shack, where they liked to go and be alone, Lucius and Narcissa found a tiny booth buried at the back of the Three Broomsticks. He had his arm resting on the back of the booth, which left enough room for her to turn almost completely towards him and place her legs across his lap, hoping that no one would be able to see their pose under the table.

"Severus wanted me to give you this," she said, withdrawing the letter from her robes after their drinks arrived. "It's so sad, he can't come to Hogsmeade for fear of those Gryffindor boys in his year bullying him. I suppose he and that redhead aren't friends anymore either, poor thing."

Lucius muttered something about Mudbloods and being better off under his breath, and tucked the letter away in a pocket without further mention.

"Do you know what it says?" Narcissa pried.

"Not sure exactly, but I can guess. I don't want to spoil my time with you thinking about it, though." Lucius reached out and toyed a bit with her hair, and she found that all she wanted was for his sleeve to slip up just a little, so that she could see if he had really taken the mark.

* * *

At the beginning of February, a note came from Lucius telling her that he couldn't come to Hogsmeade on Valentine's weekend. Narcissa read it over and over, crestfallen and hoping to understand his reason, but found no satisfying answer. The only good news was that he promised she would be receiving a rather large gift to the Slytherin table on Valentine's Day morning that would make all the other girls desperately jealous. Resigning herself to be content with that, Narcissa tossed the letter into the fire and wouldn't speak to anyone for the rest of the day.

The gift didn't disappoint: a massive box carried between two owls to her plate, filled with her favorite sweets and three different jewelry boxes, all surrounded by soft, pink rose petals. The boxes each contained a bracelet, perfectly fitted for her wrists. One was a strand of opal beads, each exactly alike, and another was a gold chain made in such a way that it caught the light and sparkled from every angle. But Narcissa's favorite, which she slipped on with much show in front of her friends, was a deep green enamel bangle, engraved on the inside with her name and Lucius's, and the date of their wedding.

"Is living such a lovely life every tiresome?" Anna sighed as Narcissa continued to search through the box. Finally, she found what she had really wanted all along – the note that went with the things.

"Occasionally. I'm going to go read this alone, if you don't mind," she said, putting everything back into the box in a jumble and hoisting it into her arms. They teased her as she went, but she paid no mind.

Back in her bed, Narcissa unfolded Lucius's note and opened a box of chocolates. However, when she began to read, she found it wasn't as long as she had hoped. Barely covering one side of the page, he apologized again for not being able to see her later that day, and told her he hoped the jewelry fit. A few lines at the bottom espoused his affection, but compared to the details she had been hoping for, the words were worthless. Disappointed, Narcissa flopped back onto her pillow and began picking through the chocolates, looking for something cherry flavored. She selected a few pieces and leaned to her bedside table to put the box away. Something across the room caught her eye before she could snuggle back under the covers. A _Daily Prophet_ was lying on Cecily's bed, and the headline looked bolder than usual. Narcissa got up and went to read it.

"Death Eaters Strike Again," she muttered to herself, tracing the words with her finger. The picture showed Aurors swirling around a house whose front door had clearly been blasted open, and in the sky a terrible skull was sparkling.

Behind her, the door opened with a bang, but Narcissa couldn't find the strength to turn around. Cecily came to her side, and pulled the newspaper from her hands, rereading the headline herself.

"Don't tell the other girls I said so," she said, "but I think these people have the right idea."

"I think so too," Narcissa said softly, and returned to her bed.

* * *

The next time the young lovers saw each other fell on an unseasonably warm March Saturday. Maybe it was the spring sun or the impending end of schoolgirl life, but Lucius noticed a change in Narcissa. She was walking slower and laughing louder, and the way she hung herself on him was nearing indecent, although he couldn't quite pinpoint why. It was like her bones had been replaced with honey; she was soft and warm and wonderfully his.

They stopped for their tradition of admiring one another in the plate glass of a storefront. Once Lucius had suggested that they have someone take a photograph of them on those occasions, so one day they could remember what they looked like when they were young, but Narcissa reprimanded him immediately, saying that the fleeting nature of the thing made it special.

"Lucius, have you ever…been…with a girl before?"

He looked at her in the reflection, one eyebrow raised, and tugged at her arm to keep them moving forward.

"Your sister and I snogged a few times at those parties after Quidditch games, if you must know. But never more than kissing, and only because we felt we should, really."

"There was never anyone else?"

"Cissy, I would have thought you knew by now that I'm a deeply loyal man. I wouldn't dream of cheating on the woman I'm meant to be with."

"Even when it was Andromeda, and you knew you didn't love her?"

"Even then. Why are you pressing so much?"

Narcissa smiled in a satisfied way, anticipating his face at her next move.

"I just wanted to be sure, before I asked my next question."

"Which is?"

"Would you like to be with _me_? Soon?"

That stopped him in his tracks.

"How soon?"

"Get a room soon."

"Why Narcissa Black, I thought you were a good girl."

"I used to be. Then I met a bad man."

He looked at her with his mouth open, awestruck by the fiery woman suddenly standing before him. He wanted, more than anything, to resist and preserve her honor, but the thought of even being able to _look_ at her in nothing but her engagement ring was overriding any rationality.

"But you'll have to tell me one thing first," she went on, drawing close to him and smirking at how suddenly tense he felt. "Is it true?"

She was rolling up his left sleeve, and his heart, already beating faster than felt safe, turned to ice. He snatched her hand away and held it tight to his chest.

"It's true," he said, lowering his voice significantly and rushing her away from the crowded high street. "But it doesn't change what we have, Cissy. Please tell me you –"

"Be quiet, Lucius," she said, smoothing out his sleeve where she had mussed it. "I would have thought you knew by now that I'm going to stay by you no matter what."

* * *

The room was sparsely furnished, with just a table and chair and a bed. Sheer curtains covered the windows, filtering the light out to be perfectly clean. For once, Narcissa was not nervous, or afraid.

"Are you sure you want to do this now?" Lucius asked. He put his hands on her shoulders, and the weight affirmed her choice.

"I don't think we should wait until the wedding night, Lucius. If we're nervous then, it won't be what I've been dreaming of."

"And you can't wait either, can you?"

"Don't tease!"

"Sorry, love. I just find it a little bit funny that sweet Narcissa Black is suddenly unable to wait a few months to sleep with me."

"I have needs as much as anyone. Don't tell me you're objecting."

"I wouldn't dare."

Her hand went back to his left cuff, and she began to fuss with his cufflink.

"Show me first," she said.

He sighed, but obeyed and started to roll up his sleeve.

"You mustn't touch," he said when he finally revealed it to her.

Narcissa had planned to remain calm and show him how strong she could be, but as soon as he held out his arm, she was overcome with emotion at the dark stain on her lovers skin.

"Did it hurt?" she whispered, reaching up to stroke his cheek. He softened a little at her touch, and smiled very slightly, hands slipping around her back.

"We shouldn't talk of it now."

"This mark, this cause – they're going to be a part of our lives. I'm not frightened of it. Stop hiding things from me."

Her tone was sharp, but Lucius looked at her with admiration, and led her over to the bed.

"Yes. It hurt very much, like I didn't know something could hurt. But I'm proud to have done it. I hope you feel the same way."

"I do. I wouldn't want a husband who wasn't brave, or couldn't stand up for what's right."

But they were losing their train of thought in little kisses, and in the undoing of buttons.

* * *

"Was it perfect? Everything you've ever dreamed?" he asked her afterwards, propped up on his elbow and leaned slightly over her. He brushed a strand of hair out of her face, and she giggled when it tickled her nose.

"No," she said slowly. Narcissa reached up and twined her fingers through Lucius's, marveling at how well they fit together. "I mean yes, because I was with you, and that's the most important thing. But it didn't have to be completely perfect in every other way. We're young, and it was the first time. Someday, soon, it'll be perfect."

"How did you get so wise?"

"Studying," she said, "which I should be doing right now. N.E.W.T.S are awfully soon."

"Oh, speaking of which –" He leapt out of the bed, seemingly reinvigorated by her little speech, and went over to wear his robes lay. "I got you a surprise. Before I knew where we were going to end up this afternoon. If I had known that…well, I think I would have gotten you a string of diamonds."

He brought the package to her, and she tore at the pale pink wrappings.

"A whole box of sugar quills? You spoil me."

"I asked for one for each day until the next Hogsmeade weekend, and then if you like I'll buy you more. You can think of me while you suck on them," he said, smirking at his own dirty joke.

"Lucius Malfoy! Don't talk that way!"

"Why ever not? I've finally bedded you, I think we can say whatever we wish to one another now."

"So I'm no longer a lady to you, then?"

"No, and I prefer it."

Lucius began to tickle her, and the box of quills fell to the floor as she shrieked with delight. Eventually, after the covers had mostly been flung away, he stopped, and just placed his hands on her hips, looking down at her with renewed passion.

"Have I ever told you I love you?" he asked, lowering her lips to meet hers.

"Not in so many words, I don't think," she breathed before the impact.

"Then you must forgive me, Narcissa Black, because I do. I love you very much."

"Of course you do. I've always known that. And I love you, too."

And then there were no words left.

* * *

 **Next: ends and beginnings**

 **xoxo**


	5. Opening the Door

Narcissa finally left the bed much later than she should have; she would barely have enough time to get back to school before the gates closed. Lucius stayed behind so they wouldn't risk being seen going down together, and kissing him goodbye was agony when he still looked so comfortable in bed.

"Again next time?" he asked just as she was ready to leave. "If we come up right away, we'll have more time."

"I'll leave the castle as soon as we're allowed," she promised, and was gone.

On the bottom landing of the Three Broomsticks' back stairs, Narcissa stopped to listen before showing herself. She could hear that the bar was almost completely empty, so empty that she almost considered going out the front door, which would certainly get her back on her way to school more quickly. But she thought better of it, and slipped out the back into a tight little alley, which led, with a great many twists and turns, loose cobblestones, and puddles, back out onto the path to Hogwarts.

When she finally made the connection, she was surprised not to find herself alone. A few students were much, much farther ahead, barely visible, but one was still coming along, even later than Narcissa.

"Narcissa," Anna hissed, grabbing her arm as they met. She was holding a large package from Gladrags, and Narcissa guessed that fittings and indecision were what had kept her. "Where did you get off to? We were up at the Shrieking Shack earlier and didn't see you."

"What have you got there Anna? Anything pretty or just new socks?"

"Some pretty things, and some socks, but that won't answer my question."

Narcissa knew she was blushing, and she knew that Anna knew her well enough not to ignore such a thing.

"What did you and Lucius do today? I'm dying to know!" she asked again.

"Where are Georgie and Cecily?"

"Gone back already. They said they were hungry and I was taking too long."

"Fine then. I'll tell you, but you mustn't mention it to them."

"As if they won't ask."

"That's a bridge to cross another time."

"Tell me then."

"Lucius and I…we…we were at the Three Broomsticks. Upstairs."

Anna gasped audibly and pulled Narcissa closer even as they picked up their pace.

"Weren't you worried people would see?"

"We went in the back door. But let them see, anyway. We're getting married in no time at all."

"That doesn't sound like the Narcissa I know."

"I'm growing up, Anna. We all are."

"I suppose you're right."

The girls walked on in silence for a bit, until Anna, unable to bite her tongue any longer, posed the question she had been dying to ask.

"Was it wonderful?"

Narcissa glanced at her and sucked her lips in a bit, holding back a giggle. Her eyes were alight and she nodded emphatically, not looking any more grownup at all.

"Absolutely wonderful."

* * *

On the day they were to leave Hogwarts for the very last time, Narcissa tried her best to act sad and reminisce with her friends, even as her stomach did somersaults imagining what the next months had in store for her. They spent the morning packing their things, diving under the beds and into the back of bathroom cupboards to find things that had long ago been considered lost.

Later, when the train began to delve further and further into Central London, the four girls piled all together on one side of the carriage, hugging each other and crying, each suddenly more sentimental than ever before and willing the train to slow its pace.

"This is silly," Narcissa finally said, pulling away first. "I mean, we'll be seeing each other very soon, at the wedding. And then it's not as if that will be the last time, either."

"But we'll never sleep all in the same room, or share our Honeydukes late at night or gossip about the Hufflepuffs again, will we?" Anna said, wiping her eyes.

"The Hufflepuffs will provide us with ammunition forever, whether we're at Hogwarts or not," Georgia replied. "Cissy is right. Let's pull ourselves together."

"She'll have us all over to spend the night, won't you Cissy?" Cecily asked. "If Lucius will let you."

"Lucius would let me do anything," Narcissa said, and she was right.

As the Hogwarts Express lurched into the station and the girls began to collect their things, Narcissa looked out the window, searching for her parents. What she saw instead was Lucius leaning very casually against a column, house-elf at his feet.

"Lucky," Georgia muttered, spotting Lucius herself. "Grumpy old Dad's here for me, and we still have to get all the way back to Yorkshire."

Narcissa turned pink, but didn't reply.

On the platform, Lucius greeted her warmly with a hug, turning the heads of a few pureblooded parents who knew their families but hadn't yet seen the two together. He then went aboard to find her trunk, leaving her with the elf, who wouldn't speak to her but kept glancing up with nervous eyes, wringing his hands.

"Give him your bag, anything you don't want to carry, really. I thought you and I would walk home. And don't bother worrying, because your parents know all about my plans for the evening," Lucius said, already anticipating her next question as he hopped back onto the platform and set the trunk before the elf. "Take these things to Miss Black's house and give them to their elves, and then go straight home, Dobby. None of the usual funny business."

Dobby nodded and placed his hands on her things, disappearing in a flash.

"On we go, then." Lucius draped his arm around her, and they made their way back to the brick wall.

* * *

"The elf seemed sweet," Narcissa said when they were out on the street. "You said his name was Dobby?"

"Yes. Sweet maybe, but more trouble than he's worth. If his mother hadn't been so loyal I'd have tossed him some pants by now," Lucius grumbled. "Don't let those goofy eyes fool you; we have to discipline him quite a lot. But enough about elves. I want to show you something."

"What is it?" Narcissa suddenly realized she had no idea at all where they were headed; when they left the station he had turned left instead of right, and she was slowly getting turned around.

"You'll see when we get there, angel. Tell me about your exams."

She talked for 5 minutes about how she thought the Arithmancy exam had a trick question, and how it wasn't fair to have Astronomy on a cloudy night.

"But overall, I think it went well," she finally concluded, looking around as the stores turned to townhouses. "When will you tell me where we're going?"

"Almost there," he said, planting a kiss on her head. "You know if your results come back and you haven't done well, I won't marry you, right?"

"That's why I've been studying so hard," she said, pinching his arm.

"Here we are."

They stopped at the gate of a large park, full of couples like themselves on that balmy evening. She made to go in, assuming they were simply out on a romantic walk, but he grasped her shoulders and turned her to face across the street at a row of townhouses.

"Look," he whispered in her ear, and pointed. As if at his command, a house began to appear in the same way she was accustomed to seeing 12 Grimmauld Place grow from nothing. Unlike Grimmauld Place, it seemed distinctly welcoming and had a bright white façade with black shutters. No one else around them seemed to notice that anything had happened at all.

"Do you like it?" he asked, looking both ways before taking her hand and pulling her across the cobblestone street.

"Like it for what?" she replied, dumbstruck even as he took her up the steps and opened the front door.

"To live in."

Inside, the house was shadowy, and she stopped him on the threshold by gripping his hand tighter and pulling back.

"I thought we were living at the Manor."

"Someday we will. I know that's important to you. But I've been thinking, and I decided that maybe two young newlyweds might not want to live in a rambling hunk of marble with a mean elderly couple."

"Lucius! They're your parents."

"That doesn't mean I want to live with them. Are you saying you don't like it?"

"No," she decided, and she stood on her toes to put her arms around his neck. "I'm not saying that at all."

"Are we going to kiss?" he asked, clearly pleased at having done something so well.

"I think we are."

* * *

It was a rarity for Narcissa to get to spend time alone, and soon after she arrived home that summer she made a point of going to Diagon Alley by herself. She was looking for some new stationery and a wedding gift for Lucius, and, although she could barely admit it to herself, she hoped to get some lingerie as well. It was a beautiful day, although the excitement that was usually palpable as people walked the streets had diminished somewhat since Narcissa had been there the summer before, and Wanted posters cluttered the noticeboards.

She was browsing through a tray of watches, thinking they all looked so plain compared to what Lucius deserved, when something out the window caught her eye. A woman, very pregnant by the looks of it, in a bright red dress was struggling with her shopping bags, finally tossing them down next to a bench and sitting.

"I don't know if any of these would suit him," Narcissa said, pushing the tray back to the man behind the counter. "Excuse me for a moment."

She rushed out the door and across the alley to the bench, where Andromeda was already rolling her eyes.

"We shouldn't do this here, Narcissa," she said, bending down to retrieve her shopping, but not getting very far before her sister took her wrist and pulled her back up.

"Do what, Andy?"

"Fight."

"I don't want to fight with you. I want you to tell me why we hadn't heard you're having a baby."

"You hadn't heard because I didn't want you to."

"This is silly."

"You're the one who didn't write back."

Narcissa chewed on her lip for a moment, watching the man in the jewelry store putter about.

"I didn't know what to say, Andy. I'm marrying Lucius, and there was no point in arguing over it."

"So you're really going to do it, are you? You're going to marry an evil man."

"Andy, he's not –"

"He is, Narcissa. Don't waste your breath. I know you read the paper; you can't have any illusions about what he does when you're not around."

Narcissa fell silent again.

"Have you ever asked yourself if you would join them if Lucius wasn't in your life?" Andromeda pressed.

"I don't know what I would do if he wasn't in my life," Narcissa whispered, suddenly on the edge of tears. "He's all I ever wanted, Andy."

Andromeda sighed and leaned back, tipping her head towards the sky.

"Why didn't you tell me that, back when it was still he and I and I would come home from our dates and complain to you?"

"I thought everything was the way it was for a reason, and that it was all set in stone. But I guess it turns out that reason doesn't have a thing to do with it, and that nothing is set in stone."

"Not in our family."

"I don't want to lose you, Andy."

"I never wanted to lose you either. That's why I wrote you. Do you think I sent Bellatrix the same letter?"

"I can't imagine you did."

"I love you, Cissy, but we can't see one another if you've made your choice. Bellatrix would kill me on sight these days, and Mother and Father don't want any part of my traitor self and my half-blooded child."

"Don't say things like that."

"But they're _true_ , Narcissa, when will you see that? When are you ever going to acknowledge that you might have chosen a side that doesn't stand for what you really believe?"

Narcissa rummaged around in the pockets of her robes for a moment, seeking out some caramels she had bought earlier in the day. When she found them she handed one to Andromeda, and they ate them in thoughtful silence.

"As much as you love Lucius, that's how much I love Ted," Andromeda finally said. "But even without him, I wouldn't want the life I was supposed to have anymore. I outgrew it, and I guess you're finding that it fits you well."

"Are we saying goodbye?" Narcissa asked, swallowing hard.

"Yes, I think so."

They sat there a minute longer, but soon Andromeda leaned over and kissed Narcissa on the cheek, and then gathered her shopping to leave. Narcissa watched her walk away, and she had almost gotten to the end of the street when she encountered a man Narcissa vaguely recognized from the halls of Hogwarts. He enveloped her in a hug and then took her bags, and they went off together, arm in arm.

Narcissa wandered home, feeling lightheaded, with nothing but the caramels to show for her day of shopping. It was a long walk back to her parents' house, but she didn't notice the time passing at all, and when she finally opened the garden gate, she was surprised to find Lucius and Bellatrix whispering heatedly next to the fountain.

"What are you doing here?" she asked as they looked up and abruptly ended their conversation.

"It's family dinner tonight, don't you remember?" Bellatrix asked, sitting down on the fountain's edge and tossing stones from her feet into the water. Lucius went forward and put a kiss on Narcissa's forehead, which she absentmindedly accepted.

"Oh, of course. I suppose I just got lost in the day." In the dense garden, it was ten degrees cooler and two shades darker, and Narcissa was finally beginning to return to herself.

"Did you get anything?" Bellatrix asked, looking at her sister's empty hands.

"I put some things on hold," Narcissa lied. "Didn't feel like dealing with the bags, if I'm honest. It's so hot out."

"Did you walk here?" Lucius asked her. He put his arm around her shoulders and steered her towards the house. "You look a little…flushed."

"If you mean sweaty, you're very observant. I just felt like the walk."

"But not like carrying the bags."

"Correct."

"Go inside and clean up, Cissy. Mummy says dinner will be ready in 30 minutes," Bellatrix ordered and Narcissa, without another thought or look back, obeyed.

In her bathroom, she stripped down to her underwear and splashed cool water on her face and down her neck. She was more than just sweaty – she was sunburned, and she rummaged through the cabinets to find a potion to help, lest her mother reprimand her for ruining her complexion so close to the wedding. Finally she found a very old bottle of something she used to use after going to the beach, and applied it liberally, hoping it was still potent.

Narcissa laid down for a while, on top of the covers with the fan spinning overhead. Her window was open and occasionally a warm breeze would come in, accompanied by murmurs from the garden below. Bellatrix and Lucius must have walked around to the back of the house, because it was certainly their voices she heard. She tried not to understand what they were saying, but a few things couldn't help but come through clearly, mostly the names of people from Hogwarts, or Ministry officials whom she had read about in the paper. The image of Andromeda in her red dress, looking so like a Muggle and so like her mother all at the same time, appeared before her each time she blinked

Eventually, she heard her father's voice call out the back door that dinner was ready, and she slid from her bed to find something to wear. Something white at the back of her closet jumped out to her eye, and she pulled it forward. It was a dress she had bought with Andromeda two summers ago in a Muggle shop down the street from their house. They had gone in giggling, unable to ignore the dress in the window, and fumbled around with the Muggle money they kept hidden in a hatbox under Andromeda's bed. Then Andromeda had taken the dress, which was long and intricate enough to be mistaken for something Wizard-made, to school. Narcissa realized then that she had never seen her sister wear it, at school or elsewhere. The next summer she had given the dress to Narcissa, saying she had outgrown it.

She threw the dress on, and hurried downstairs.

* * *

"May I speak to Narcissa alone?" Lucius asked when they had finished eating.

Cygnus waved his hand, clearly more concerned with getting his cigar lit than anything else.

"I suppose you've earned it. Take him to my study, angel."

They walked the halls hand in hand, no particular hurry to get anywhere. When they reached the study he held the door open like a true gentleman, and bowed comically as she went in. While he chose a seat in one of the leather armchairs, she wandered the perimeter of the room, examining all the family photos hung on the wall.

"Would you like to sit in my lap?"

Narcissa blushed and answered by joining him. Lucius traced his finger across her face, swirling gently around the apples of her cheeks.

"Why do you still blush so often around me?"

"I think I may be cursed to blush at everything forever," she said. "Do you mind?"

"No. This way I'll always know what you're thinking."

"Did you bring me in here to discuss my tendencies for embarrassment?"

Lucius sighed, and settled deeper into the chair.

"Something was wrong earlier," he said, and she nodded.

"Yes. But I didn't want Bellatrix to know."

"I think she was able to tell."

"God, I was a mess, wasn't I? It's because I saw Andromeda."

He took this in for a moment, hand running up and down her back.

"How was she?" he asked.

"Pregnant, and dressed like a Muggle, and cruel."

"That's a lot to take in. What was worse?"

"That she was pregnant, and I didn't know. And she said awful things, Lucius about you. She said you were evil, and then she said that Bellatrix would kill her if she could."

"How fortuitous that this would happen today, just when I wanted to have a serious conversation with you about those very awful things."

"Is that why you brought me in here?"

"Yes. Can we talk about it, and come back to Andromeda?"

She nodded.

"You've seen my Mark, but do you know everything it comes with?" he asked.

"I'm not sure," she said softly, tucking her head against his chest. "Bella's told me a little about it, and Andromeda has had a lot to say."

"You will always be safe," he said. "That's what I told him was most important to me, and we've all agreed you will never face danger, or take the Mark unless someday you should want to. Bella is as committed to that as I am. But I may have to fight sometimes, or do things you may not like. I can't promise you I'll always come home in one piece."

"Bella said you mostly work politically, at the ministry and with donations and things."

What Bellatrix had really told Narcissa was "Don't worry about your precious boyfriend, Cissy. He doesn't have to get his hands dirty as long as he still has a trust fund," and Lucius seemed to know this.

"It's very like her to say that, isn't it? Knocking me down seems to be her raison d'être. But yes, she's right. Most of what I do isn't dangerous, but we never know if that may change. I don't want to hide any possibilities from you. The war is getting more hostile every day. I've brought you in here to tell you that if you don't want to be mixed up with me, I would understand. You would certainly face less pain that way."

"I'm not afraid of pain, Lucius," she said, and she didn't even have to think. "I'm afraid of not being with you."

"I've been afraid of that since we were children," he said, and there were tears in his voice. "I'm glad you agree."

"We should have done something about it sooner. What if Andromeda hadn't left? We couldn't possibly be sitting where we are right now."

"I suppose I always knew that something would happen. It felt fated, as if us not being together went against the universe."

"I hope no one comes in," she whispered, already lacing her hands in his hair.

They left the study about an hour later, but before they did, Lucius made a decision.

"As long as I have say in it, Narcissa," he told her as they began to unwrap from one another and stand up, "I will make sure that Andromeda, and her husband, and her baby, are safe. No harm will come to them, not from us."

"Not from Bellatrix?"

He smiled at that, and led her to the door with his arm around her shoulders.

"Maybe if you and I work on Bellatrix together, we can control her. That would be the only way to hold her back from something she really wanted."

"Together," Narcissa promised, and stood on her tiptoes to kiss him goodnight.

* * *

 **Next: fights and wedding nights**


	6. Fireflies

It was a lot like being 7 again, with her ear pressed against the sitting room door. But that day instead of petty gossip, Lucius's mother was yelling, full on, at hers, and she didn't have to get all that close to hear what they were saying.

"Sigrid," her mother said, voice loud but not quite so hysterical as the other woman's, "you should be proud of him. We're proud of Bellatrix, proud of Narcissa for standing by him."

"Oh, so it's your daughters then who have pulled him into this? I told Abraxas, all that time ago, that Andromeda was the only one worth anything –"

"Andromeda is dead to us, and she'd just be a burden to Lucius if she wasn't. You should be pleased with how it worked out."

"Yes, I'm thrilled to pieces that my son has joined a cult, and that he has your stick of a daughter standing next to him."

"Don't you say that about her. Narcissa is beautiful, and unlike you she seems to love Lucius."

"How dare you say that? I love him enough to try and stop him from throwing away his whole life. How much will her love mean when he's in jail, or dead?"

"My god, the drama, Sigrid. There's nothing you can do about this. The wedding is only in a week's time."

"There's not going to be a wedding."

"Oh yes there is. We have an agreement, and outside of that, those children are in love. I can see in Narcissa's eyes that she would walk to the ends of the earth to marry Lucius, regardless of anything you do or say. Besides, where is Abraxas right now? I don't see him banging down the door trying to get things called off."

There was a moment of silence, and Narcissa was afraid they would be able to hear her heart beating.

"Abraxas thinks differently than I do," Lucius's mother said, voice much lowered. "He's not proud, exactly, but he seems to think that Lucius will do as he will."

"At least one of you has some sense," Druella scoffed. The voices mounted to a fever pitch again, but Narcissa wasn't listening anymore. The hallway, which had been steeped in twilight when she had stopped there, was now nearly pitch black, and she realized suddenly the door could open at any moment. Footsteps approached from behind her, and she turned sharply to begin apologizing to whoever had caught her eavesdropping.

But it was only Lucius, finger across his lips to silence her. He opened his arms and she fell into them, grateful for the support.

"Fighting again?" he whispered, and she nodded. "Let's go outside, and I'll explain."

* * *

The Black's back garden was flat at first, a wide expanse of lawn that, on its best days, looked very reputable and neat. But then there was a drop off, and those who ventured down the hill found trees whose leaves seemed to shimmer, even at night, and plants whose tendrils would reach out and touch. At the bottom of the hill was a grotto that Cygnus himself had created a long time ago, training the trees to grow into a little playhouse for his girls. It was there that Lucius led her, marveling all along the way at plants he'd like to use for his potions, making up for her silence.

"All this land," he said, laying out his outer robes on the ground to make a place for them to sit. "How amazing to have this, right in the city."

"The Blacks are an old family," she replied, finding her place next to him.

"Were you shocked at what you heard?"

"I just never thought that they knew. I mean, I suppose I could have guessed, but I chose not to think of it."

"Bellatrix told your parents a long time ago, but I've always been worried of how mother would react. She had a Muggle-born nanny a thousand years ago, and thinks of herself as very tolerant."

Narcissa laughed a little; already, just being with him was taking away the hurt of what she had heard.

"Two weeks ago, I was at the Manor, collecting some things I couldn't live without in our new house. I made the mistake of thinking I was alone, and rolled up my sleeves to pack boxes. But you're never alone when Sigrid Malfoy is concerned, and she came in and saw my Mark and screamed and made a scene, calling my father in and crying. That's not the first row she's had with your mother, either, but I've been trying to protect you from it."

"What did your father say?"

"Father doesn't care, and he's not going to let her do anything about it."

"Promise?"

"Do you think I'd let them break us up?"

"I guess not."

"In a few months, she'll come around. As I said: she fancies herself to be saintly, but we all know she'd kill herself if I ever came home with anyone but a pureblood."

"Maybe she'd prefer a different pureblood, though."

"No, darling, she can't possibly prefer anyone over you."

Narcissa stayed quiet for a moment. It was truly dark by then, although the moon was full, and fireflies were lighting up all around them. She didn't want to tell Lucius what she had heard his mother say; she knew it would upset him, and maybe cause more problems in his family.

 _But you're his family now,_ she told herself, and that made the decision.

"She said…she was a little unkind about me. To my mother, just now."

Lucius stiffened, and she couldn't bear to look at him.

"Unkind how?"

"It wasn't much, Lucius, really. Don't worry."

"Tell me, Narcissa. We must tell one another everything."

"It was really more about both Bellatrix and me. She just said Andromeda was the only one of us worth anything. Oh, and she called me a "stick", but I wasn't too offended by that. I guess maybe she thinks I'm not very bright, though."

"She says that about any woman she has a problem with. My father likes her ample bosom, but I guess she never did learn to love it."

"God, Lucius, the way you talk about them."

"What can I say? We didn't all have parents who built us little hiding places and called us 'angel'."

"They love you, Lucius. Her yelling made that very clear."

"Yes, but my childhood wasn't like it was for you."

"We're girls. It's different."

"Well, I'm going to love our children like your father loved you. I don't care what they are. I don't care if they're nifflers."

"Nifflers maybe, but I think you'd have quite a few questions for me about what I had been doing when you weren't around."

"Oh, as long as you're happy, honey."

She laughed and snuggled closer, and he caught a firefly in cupped hands, making a crack just large enough for her to watch the light blink on and off.

"Do you feel better?" he asked, releasing the insect to put his arm back around her.

"Yes. As long as they were just words."

"She has no means to put any action behind them, Cissy. Father is enchanted with you; every time he sees you laugh he wishes he was 30 years younger."

"I just wish the wedding wasn't going to be at a time when everyone is so angry."

"Everyone is going to be angry for years, unless this war settles down. You might as well just try and be as happy as you can be."

"I've never been happier than I am lying here with you, Lucius. How could I want more?"

He had no response to that; just a soft kiss on her cheek.

* * *

Early on their wedding day, Narcissa snuck Lucius up to her room against his protests that he wasn't supposed to see her at all.

"What good will that do us?" she asked, pulling him up the stairs. "Acting as if we've never met?"

They sat across from one another on her window seat, legs tangled in the middle. Outside her sister was cutting back the remaining nasty plants while a team of men arranged chairs and put up the altar. Bellatrix seemed to be enjoying herself, playing as if each weed was a skilled dueling opponent, and Narcissa smiled, remembering when they would pretend they were adults, using sticks for wands.

Lucius asked if she was nervous and she said no, and then she returned the question.

"Maybe a little," he replied, "but only because I'm worried I won't be able to take good enough care of you."

"Why would you worry about something like that? I hope I've been clear that you're all I need," she said.

"You never know what will happen," he replied, never taking his eyes away from the garden.

* * *

The wedding was everything it was supposed to be: elaborate and beautiful and romantic, with a bride and groom who looked like they belonged on top of a less attractive couple's cake. On the way back down the aisle, Lucius couldn't resist putting his arm around her waist, letting his hand slip lower than he knew he should. When they passed her great aunt, who looked completely scandalized, Lucius leaned down to whisper to his wife.

"Looking forward to tonight?" he asked, and she could feel his smirk against her cheek.

"Oh, not really," she murmured back, keeping her face arranged in a perfect smile as she waved at their guests. "Once you've done it a few times, what's all the fuss about?"

He pinched her very gently at her waist, and her smile grew tenfold.

The reception lasted well into the night, music swelling from every corner of the room. Lucius and Narcissa danced and danced, and would occasionally sneak away to steal a kiss, looking at one another as if it were the first time. They also drank, Narcissa far more than she ever had, and by the time people were leaving and pressing Galleons into Lucius's palm in congratulations, she was drowsy eyed, hanging onto his arm for dear life. He was far more stable than she, and engaged in a long conversation about racing brooms with two wizards she had never met before, when she spotted Sirius sulking alone at a table for meant for eight.

"I'll be back," she whispered to Lucius, and he squeezed her hand as she wandered off.

Narcissa slid into the chair next to Sirius, touching his shoulder fondly. He shied away, and she sighed.

"Remember when we were little, Sirius, and not so angry?"

"I have a lot to be angry about," he grumbled. "These robes for one."

"I think you look handsome."

"I look like The Little Prince."

"Who?"

"Never mind."

She sat there, room spinning, looking at Lucius. Occasionally his eyes would flicker up to hers, and she could read what he wanted to say. All of a sudden he was a man and she was a woman, as if some mysterious veil had been lifted to show them the other side of life.

"Andromeda is pregnant," she told Sirius. She rested her head on one of her hands, staring at him, waiting for shock.

"I know. She writes me all the time. I'm going to stay with her at Christmas, but don't tell my mother."

Narcissa blinked hard to clear her head and considered this while eating hard candies from a dish on the table.

"These taste terrible," she finally said, and got up and left.

* * *

An hour later the house was finally empty, and Lucius was shaking her father's hand and she was kissing her mother goodnight. Druella was teary-eyed and kept pulling Narcissa back for another hug. Eventually Cygnus took hold of his wife from behind, whispering something to her that seemed to calm her somewhat.

"Family dinner is still on Sunday nights, married or not," Cygnus said, and Lucius nodded.

"We wouldn't miss it. Except next week, for the honeymoon."

"We can make the exception. On you go then."

The newlyweds walked into the front garden and just out the gate, where Lucius stopped and gave her hand a hard squeeze.

"Trust me?" he asked.

"Always."

He Disapparated, and she let herself go along.

They landed, Narcissa with a stumble, in front of the park gates where he had first shown her their house. As soon as she could see straight again, she made to walk across the street, but he stood firm and pulled her back to him, twirling her into his grasp as if they were dancing.

"I believe I'm supposed to do something like this," he said, and swept her up into his arms.

"Oh that," she said, although secretly she was pleased he had remembered the tradition.

"You're too drunk to walk anyway." He carried her across the street and up the steps as if she weighed nothing at all. The door opened for them, and she was vaguely aware of a pair of eyes staring up at them from the floor as they crossed the threshold.

"You've been decorating," Narcissa said, craning her neck and trying to look around at everything that had changed. Lucius didn't slow his walk a bit.

"It's boring living as a bachelor it turns out, and I wasn't going to bring you back to an empty home."

They made it upstairs to the bedroom, and he sat down hard on the bed with her still in his arms, collapsing back and swinging his legs up so she rested atop him.

"Straight to bed, hm? What kind of girl do you think I am, Mr. Malfoy?"

"I know exactly the sort of girl you are, Mrs. Malfoy. Don't play at anything else."

She began to unbutton his shirt, taking her time as the buttons swam in and out of focus. When she finished, she put her face down against his bare chest.

"Lovely?" Lucius said, pulling pins out of her hair and unfurling her curls.

"Hmm?"

"We're going to sleep here tonight."

"I'm aware."

"And wake up here, together. And no one can say anything about it."

"Isn't that wonderful?"

"Words don't begin to describe it."

They talked a little longer as he finished taking her hair down, and as she had him sit up to take his shirt off. Ultimately, though, sleep conquered all, and they dozed away with her earring cutting into his chest and their shoes knocking together at the foot of the bed.


	7. Shy

A crash from downstairs awakened them. Narcissa sat up slowly, rubbing her eyes and coming away with mascara stains, slightly unsure of where she was. Lucius, however, jumped straight out of bed and ran downstairs, yelling something back at her about the elf. In his absence she literally rolled from the bed, catching herself on all fours and then standing, dizzy from the change. She slipped, finally, from her dress and dropped her jewelry, piece by piece, onto the bedside table. Downstairs, she could hear a good deal of swearing and banging around, and by the time Lucius returned she was crawling back into bed. He was holding a tray with tea and scones, and stopped dead in his tracks when he saw her there, kneeling in bed and rearranging the sheets into something more habitable.

"You're perfect," he said, almost at a whisper, coming in and setting the tray down on the dresser.

"Stop it. I need to wash my face, and put on something other than yesterday's underwear."

"No, I don't think so," he said, abandoning the tea. "I think you could stay just like this."

Lucius prowled back to the bed, and tossed away the covers she had just fixed.

"I like you like this," he repeated, crawling to trap her beneath him. Narcissa laughed at first but quickly got lost in his worshipful gaze, her hands curling at the base of his neck. She brushed her thumbs against the stubble on his chin.

"I've never seen you like this before. In the morning," she said.

"How is it?"

"I like it. It feels real. Realer than anything we had before."

"That's what I think too."

"The tea will be cold," she said, and took her hands away. She tried to roll out from under him, but her stopped her by dropping down to his elbow on one side.

"The tea is the last thing that matters right now, Cissy."

She smiled and turned her head into the pillow, suddenly shy.

"Who's this girl?" Lucius asked. He planted a kiss at her jawline, and she only buried her head deeper into the pillow, although she was still smiling. "Afraid of me?"

"Not at all," she said. "But it feels different now. Like we should be adults, and get up when we're supposed to and drink our tea and go to work."

He laughed and finally unpinned her, although once lying down he pulled her close again.

"I've got some news, darling. You don't go to work, regardless of whether you're married to me or not. And you're also forgetting that today is Saturday, and also that tomorrow you and I are going to Paris for a week, and that I don't really plan to see any sights besides the bedroom while we're there. So today isn't the day we need to get up and drink our tea."

Narcissa seemed to consider this, even as his hands crept down to the hem of her slip.

"I suppose, just for today, we can neglect the tea," she finally allowed, rolling over to face him. "Today we can just be stubble and smeared makeup and –"

But he cut her off with a kiss, and they let Saturday be Saturday.

* * *

The honeymoon was spent in a daze of room service and late night or early morning walks; they never could seem to get out of bed at a normal time. They stood on bridges and slipped through impossibly tight alleyways, and later in the week found their way to the French version of Diagon Alley, which was much more open, with a cool breeze blowing all the time.

"Les amants," the shopkeepers seemed to say in every store they visited. Somehow it was painfully obvious to everyone that Lucius and Narcissa were completely in love.

On their last night in Paris, Lucius took her hand over dinner and cleared his throat.

"I have something to tell you," he said, and her heart fluttered. They hadn't spoken of anything serious since the wedding, and she could see in his eyes that that was about to change.

"What is it? You look very grave."

"I just want you to know that tomorrow I won't be at home until dinner time. I'll be at Bellatrix's."

"Why can't I go to Bellatrix's? She and I have met on more than one occasion, you know."

"It's a meeting, darling." His left hand flexed where it lay on the table.

"Is that all, Lucius?" Narcissa felt a flood of relief. "Goodness, you almost sent me into a fit with all that talk. How many time must I tell you that you don't need to hide these things from me?"

Lucius seemed to let out a long breath, and let go of her hand, slumping back into his chair.

"You just seem so unbreakably _pure_ , Cissy. I don't want to be the one to stain you."

"You have to trust that I will tell you the instant you've done something I don't like, dear. I'm not one to be made a fool of, and even love won't stop that. So tell me the truth, always, and I will be honest with you."

"You look more beautiful than ever before right now, Narcissa."

"Stop it, and let me say something serious back to you. I want to come to these meetings. Not tomorrow, because I understand that you'll need to make sure it's alright, but after that. Then maybe in time I can take the Mark too, and if not I'll at least be able to help in any way I can."

"Are you sure?"

"I wouldn't say it if I wasn't."

* * *

Narcissa had made plans to have tea with her friends the day after the honeymoon anyway, so Lucius's absence wasn't too noticeable. They gathered in the sitting room of the now well-appointed townhouse, and although it was all very beautiful and proper, exactly as she had hoped, Narcissa felt a little strange, like she was playing house.

"Georgie has news," Anna said, almost as soon as the girls were settled. She looked gleeful, cheeks aglow.

"Honestly, Anna, I don't know why I told you this."

"Because we're best friends. Tell them!"

Georgia took a deep breath as a playful smile crossed her face and she glanced around the table.

"I'm in love, girls. Honestly in love, not like anything before."

Narcissa clapped her hands and Anna looked as happy as she had the first time she heard the news, and even cool Cecily took up Georgia's hand in her own.

"Lucky girl," Cecily said. "Tell us about him."

Georgia went on for some time, and it was very obvious that she was feeling something she hadn't before. His name was Thomas and he was tall and older and very kind and always had a book in his hand, and she was planning to move in with him in the fall.

"And your father doesn't mind?" Narcissa asked with a gasp.

"He wants me to be happy," Georgia said, "and I am."

* * *

Cecily lingered behind the other girls, going to the bathroom before she left. Narcissa lay down on the couch while she waited for her to return.

"How on earth did you settle on this shade of lavender for the walls?" Cecily asked when she came back into the room.

"I didn't choose it, Lucius did. But I like it very much."

"I suppose paint isn't permanent."

"Be nice, Cecily. But nothing about this is permanent anyway; we'll be moving to the Manor one day, probably when we start having children."

"And when will that be?"

"A while yet. We're still young, and the world is rather unkind at the moment, don't you think?"

"Yes, I suppose so."

Narcissa sat up and looked at the table where the remains of their gathering were scattered. Cecily had sat down on the arm of a chair, and she looked like there was something more she wanted to say.

"Are you sure you won't take some of these cakes?" Narcissa asked, starting to clean up a bit. If Lucius were there, she knew, he would have insisted she leave it for the elf. "It's too much for just Lucius and me."

"No, I've promised Mother I'm trying to reduce."

Narcissa eyed her friend.

"Reduce to what? Nothing at all?"

"You know her. Nothing I can do will please her. Well, except one thing."

Cecily was being purposefully obtuse at this point; Narcissa had seen it before.

"Out with it, Cecily. You're coming close to overstaying your welcome."

"Don't play, Cissy. I know you'd let me stay here until the end of time if I asked it of you."

"Is that what you're asking?"

"No, I'm not asking anything. I'm telling. You surely know that my brother has joined the Death Eaters –"

"I don't know anything of the sort."

"Stop it. I know about Lucius, and I don't see why you're pretending he isn't one of them. Are you ashamed?"

Narcissa's face flamed at the accusation, and she gave a scathing look for Cecily to continue.

"Well, he's going to start taking me to the meetings too, and soon I'm going to take the Mark," Cecily said. Her voice was joyful, the same as Georgia's when she spoke of Thomas.

"You sound too excited about it."

"My, aren't we self-righteous?"

"It's not that. I just think it's a little morbid to celebrate fighting in this war. Not that the cause isn't just, because it certainly is, but people are dying. You may die yourself."

"It would be worth it to put those Mudbloods in their place."

Narcissa grimaced at the hard words. She somewhat preferred Lucius's approach to the matter, staying quiet and proud; there was dignity in that.

"I'm sure we needn't say any tearful goodbyes, then," she said, beginning to usher Cecily to the door, "because I should be at the meetings soon myself. They're all together today, you know."

 _And Lucius will be back soon,_ she thought to herself, continuing to lead Cecily on her way.

"Yes, Nathan said he would bring me up. I've been thinking about it all afternoon, even through Georgia's speech about her new boyfriend. It was a little sickening, don't you think?"

"It's nice, Cecily. You know she never lets boys get serious with her."

"Yes, it's all very darling. Goodbye then, Cissy."

"Goodbye."

* * *

Lucius got home just as Dobby was setting out dinner under Narcissa's watchful eye. He stepped out of the dining room fireplace and wrapped his arms around her from behind in one fluid motion, burying his head against her neck.

"You've gotten me all sooty," she protested, but didn't take his hands away.

"We haven't been away from each other for this long in days," he replied. "I was starting to feel out of sorts."

"How sweet of you to say."

"Dobby, keep the food warm," Lucius ordered, and before Narcissa could protest or ask questions, he pulled her upstairs to bed.

They stayed upstairs for a long time, mussing the sheets many times over and wrecking both of their perfect hairstyles. It was growing dark outside when Narcissa reminded him about dinner, and with a great fit of dramatics he began to get dressed again.

"Cecily told me she wants to become a Death Eater," Narcissa said, sitting up with the sheet clutched to her chest, watching her husband scrounge around for the clothes they had lost.

"Yes, it came up today. I suppose she'll get her wish."

"And what about me?"

"You, lovely, will be at my side from now on whenever you should like, without any expectations of course. The Dark Lord is interested to meet you; I'd thought you could come next week to our meeting with everyone in attendance."

"I'd like that very much. As long as you will hold my hand the whole time."

"Of course."

* * *

 **Hope you're all still enjoying this story; n** **ext up will be Narcissa's first meeting with the Dark Lord**


	8. Who We Used To Be

They were in the dining room of Bellatrix's cluttered house. Narcissa knew it must have been months since her mother had visited, because she was sure if Druella had seen the state of it she would have fainted and then immediately set to work on cleaning up. Every surface was cluttered with parchment and half-finished bottles of ink and broken quills, and dust was accumulating at an alarming rate in all the corners. It was unbearably hot in the room, and Narcissa couldn't imagine why someone didn't open a window.

All around her and Lucius, who had arrived early enough to be afforded seats at the table, were men and women she had once thought of as harmless schoolmates. Cecily was there, a little farther down the table, with her brother, eyes gleaming the same way Bellatrix's now did. To her shock, Severus Snape also came in the door, although he was very nearly late and had to stand along the wall. He almost blended into the dark wallpaper, and spoke to no one.

"Lucius, isn't he a little young for this?" Narcissa asked in her husband's ear, but Lucius just put a finger to his lips. The air around them stilled, and she could have sworn she felt a chill sweep the stifling room. Bellatrix rushed in with Rodolphus, and they took the two seats on the right and left of the head of the table. Following them was a hooded man, tall and very slender, who took the place at the head. Bellatrix leaned in towards him greedily; Narcissa was shocked at how she was behaving right before her husband, but Rodolphus seemed to not care in the least. The man took his hood down, and Narcissa, one of the few who was still trying to meet his gaze, had to bite her lip to stop from crying out.

She didn't know what she had been expecting; all she knew was that at one point she was sure Bellatrix had described him as "handsome", and the man sitting before her was surely not that. His face was very hollow and his skin looked as if it hadn't seen the sun in years. It was like looking at someone through a dirty windowpane, except for his eyes, which were fire red. Suddenly, as Voldemort opened his mouth to speak, she felt Lucius's fingernails digging into her palm, reminding her to stop staring.

His voice was high pitched; Narcissa was sure that without his powers of Dark Magic it would command little respect. He spoke for a long time, thanking them as his "most loyal" and talking of things they had already accomplished, before she caught anything that really meant something to her.

"Nathan has brought a new follower tonight, haven't you?"

Nathan Parkinson, whom Narcissa used to know as Nate when she was young and he was the dashing Quidditch captain, nodded sharply and stood, jerking his sister up with him.

"Your name is Cecily?" the Dark Lord asked, and she nodded.

"Yes, My Lord," she said, and her voice shook in a way Narcissa hadn't heard before. "I'm here because I want to serve you, like my brother already has. I want to join this group and I want to return the Wizarding world to its former glory."

Voldemort laughed and it sounded terrible, nothing like real laughter.

"Very noble," he said. "And you're willing to kill, to break laws and break moral codes? To do exactly my bidding with no hestitation?"

"Yes, My Lord."

"There is no turning back from this, Cecily."

"I know, My Lord. This is all I desire."

"Very well. But I can't let you take my Mark tonight, not until you've proven yourself. To do so I'll expect you to return here having accomplished something of great consequence in the name of pureblood superiority. Let's say I'll give you a month."

"My Lord, what –"

He interrupted her before she could ask, looking joyful at the question.

"What should it be? That is for you to decide, Ms. Parkinson. But you must know that if I don't find it to be sufficient, you will pay the price, and never become one of us. That is all."

Cecily nodded once more and sat down, putting her hand to her mouth and biting at her nails. She glanced down the table to meet Narcissa's eyes, and for a moment they contemplated together what they had done.

But then the Dark Lord turned to her and Lucius, and she pushed herself to appear fearless. It was then her nails digging into Lucius palm, and he pressed back, assuring her it would be ok.

"Lucius, your wife is a lovely sight to see in this room of vagabonds." Narcissa felt like ice water was dripping down her back at the words, and all she wanted was to bury her face in Lucius's chest, to be alone with him in their bed.

"Thank you, My Lord. You should know that she's a very talented witch, and that she asked me specifically to be able to come here tonight."

"Is that true, Narcissa?"

"Yes, My Lord." Her voice, which she had thought would tremble, was strong.

"And why would you ask for such a thing? Surely there is somewhere better for a woman such as yourself to be on a beautiful night like this one."

"My Lord, I want to support you, and my husband, and my sister. Everything this group stands for is the same as what I believe."

"Do you wish to become a Death Eater yourself?"

Narcissa thought for a moment; although she had always used the word "someday" to describe when she might become a Death Eater, she had the feeling this would be her one and only chance to make the choice. She wanted to look to Lucius and see what his eyes said, but didn't want to seem hesitant in her decision.

"My Lord, I don't believe that I possess the qualities required. I think I will be more useful to you standing by those who chose the path for themselves, and helping in whatever capacity I can."

The air seemed to still even more, and Narcissa sensed she had just done something very bold. It wasn't defiance, exactly, but she had turned down the highest honor any of them could hope to achieve. Voldemort ran his fingers up and down his wand for a moment before answering; beside her, Lucius's breath caught.

"Very well. But you have to understand that you will be held to the highest standards of secrecy in the position you have chosen."

"I would expect nothing less, My Lord."

He moved on, addressing others around the room with alternating praise and anger, but Narcissa was once again unable to listen. She was thinking only of the clock chiming in the hall, wondering when the ordeal would end.

* * *

When she and Lucius collapsed on the hearth of their home, Narcissa was shocked to find herself properly sobbing. Nothing that had happened that night had particularly surprised her, yet the release from the stress of the evening left her boneless in Lucius's arms. She was immediately embarrassed as he lifted her over to the sofa; she had never before cried in front of him with that intensity, and was worried she would frighten him off or appear weak. But he was still kneeling there beside her, wiping tears off her blotchy face, apparently unfazed.

"You did perfectly, don't you realize? I've never seen him accept someone turning him down before. He respects you, Narcissa, he sees everything in you that I do."

"I was so frightened," she managed to choke out.

"I was frightened my first time too. He does that to people. The only person to ever meet him and not be afraid was Bellatrix, which should tell you something. I'm so proud of you, Cissy, but I won't make you go again if you don't want. You've done enough."

"No, Lucius," she said, fighting back another deluge. "I'm never letting you go there alone again."

* * *

Bellatrix came over the next day, unannounced. It was early in the morning and Narcissa was still in her nightgown and robe. Lucius had left just a few minutes before to go to the Ministry, where he had a meaningless job, arranged for him by his father, that allowed him better access to the people he needed to influence.

"You made an awful mistake last night, Narcissa," her sister told her as she burst through the door the moment it opened. "I mean really, who turns down such a thing?"

"Lucius and I have talked about it, and I made the right choice. And I'm still here, aren't I? I think I've done just fine."

"Don't want to get your hands dirty?"

"Bella, you know I don't have the constitution for it. Just being there last night left me in pieces. I've done the best I can for my husband, and for you for that matter. I'll be allowed to help you without destroying myself in the process. And you know I want children; how could I be a mother and a Death Eater at the same time?"

"I'm sure it could be done."

"But not by me. I won't let you bully me."

Bellatrix stopped raving for a moment and looked around her.

"Are the walls in here purple?" she asked with incredulity.

"Yes, and it's a fair sight nicer than your house. Don't you have elves?"

"It's Rodolphus's house and you know it. I haven't the faintest idea what goes on in the running of it. I just live there; I'm too busy to notice it anyway."

Narcissa disappeared into the kitchen, muttering something about dust and being brought up better than that.

"I'm assuming you want breakfast," she called to Bellatrix, who was still standing in the foyer. "Given that you can't make it yourself and there's no one at home to make it for you."

* * *

Over the course of the next month, Narcissa spent a good many days in Bellatrix's house, some at formal meetings in the dining room, some with sheets of parchment and nasty old spell books sprawling across the kitchen table. There were days when the Death Eaters among them would go into the yard and shoot spells at withered trees for hours at a time, and Narcissa would watch from the window, hands wrapped around a mug as the days grew cooler.

She started to bring Dobby with her, following him from room to room and giving orders for how she'd like to see things cleaned or fixed. It was shameful, she thought, that Rodolphus didn't keep elves for his family, although there wasn't much family to speak of. He and Rabastan had been orphaned during their time at Hogwarts, which may have explained why they turned so easily to the leadership of the Dark Lord. The Lestranges were crude and slovenly in Narcissa's opinion, and despite their protests, she saw her time refining their home as the last thing she could do to try and save her sister from becoming too much like them.

It was a foggy day that saw her and Dobby in one of the guest rooms upstairs, sorting through boxes of old family things and washing the walls. Well, Dobby was washing the walls while Narcissa, wrapped tight in a cream-colored sweater, watched Lucius and Voldemort himself walking through the garden. She didn't even notice that she was clutching her wand tighter and tighter as the men faded farther from her view.

They had come early that day to prepare for a meeting in the evening; Bellatrix liked to have the chosen few there first, and the Dark Lord never turned away a chance to spend more time with his followers.

Narcissa turned back to the room as her husband disappeared from sight, sighing at how much was left to be done.

"Just finish getting the doxies out of the bedspread, Dobby, I can practically see it writhing around. And then go downstairs and wait for Mr. Malfoy, and when he comes inside tell him I've gone home to change for tonight, and that I'll bring his new cravat and clean robes for him when I return. Tell him to rest a little, too."

"Yes, Mistress," Dobby replied, bowing very low.

* * *

Narcissa was just finishing getting dressed, glancing at the clock and herself in the mirror alternately, when someone started banging on the front door. She continued to apply her lipstick, waiting for Dobby to answer, when she realized she was home alone. Swearing as she jammed the tube's cap right onto the lipstick, ruining it, she rushed downstairs. The foyer was dim; it was getting dark earlier and earlier, and she never seemed to remember to light the lamps.

Anna was on the doorstep when Narcissa answered, wet and bedraggled with reddened eyes, clutching that night's _Evening Prophet_.

"Anna, what on earth is the matter? Come in." Narcissa ushered her friend inside, pulling her towards the sitting room, but Anna simply handed her the newspaper, refusing to go any farther.

"Cissy, it's Georgia…" she started, but wasn't able to go on as tears sprang back up. She just stood there, sobbing into her hands while Narcissa read the headline.

MURDER IN DIAGON ALLEY

 _The bodies of Georgia Yates and Thomas Ames, 18 and 22 respectively, were discovered early this morning in Ames's flat in Diagon Alley. Evidence suggests that the Killing Curse was used late Sunday night, and that the young couple did not have time to engage their attacker. According to neighbors, Ames, a Muggle-born wizard and Yates, a pureblood witch, had recently moved in together. Although the Ministry of Magic has not released an official suspect list, it is presumed that those calling themselves "Death Eaters" are behind the attacks, as their Dark Mark was hovering above the building until Aurors arrived on the scene._

The article went on to speak of Georgia and Thomas's families and how the wizarding community could keep themselves safe from such attacks, but Narcissa couldn't read any longer. She dropped the newspaper and held out her arms for Anna, who came to her easily.

"How could they? These people…" Anna muttered, and Narcissa hoped she couldn't feel her stiffen. She stayed silent, and she just held her friend for a long while.

"Anna, do you want to stay here? You can sleep in the guest room if you'd like."

Anna nodded, and Narcissa started to lead her upstairs.

"You're not crying," Anna said as they walked arm in arm to the third floor. "I thought you would be crying."

"I think I'm beyond it," Narcissa said, opening the guest room door. "And I have to go meet Lucius. I'm sorry to leave you, but he's expecting me for dinner. He's probably already there."

Anna was already pulling back the bedclothes and removing her shoes. She didn't respond, and Narcissa thought she knew why.

"I'll send the elf to you. He'll make you some food," Narcissa went on, hoping to elicit a response.

"I'm going to sleep," Anna said, and Narcissa understood. She kissed her friend on the forehead, and left.

* * *

Narcissa went down to the master bedroom, and gathered the things she had promised Lucius into a basket. She checked herself in the mirror once more, and slipped on her shoes, and then went downstairs to retrieve the newspaper, folding it over on itself three times and holding it tight under her arm.

She Flooed back to Bellatrix's house, arriving in the guest room in which she had spent the morning with Dobby. The elf was still there, puttering around with a rag and bottle of floor polish, and now Lucius was there too, lying on the bed fully dressed, eyes closed. When she stepped out of the fireplace and told the elf to go home to attend to Anna, Lucius opened one eye.

"What's going on?" he asked, not otherwise moving.

"Georgia is dead." She spoke coolly, as if it was very boring news to give.

"What?" Lucius sat up on his elbows and looked back at her, for once in his life completely shocked. "How?"

"Killed. By a Death Eater, it's rumored."

Narcissa was still standing in the middle of the room, staring with fierce eyes at Lucius. She placed her basket at her feet, and began to unfurl the newspaper.

"You're angry," he said, and started to get up.

"Only if you did it."

"Merlin, Narcissa, is that how you think of me?"

"Tell me, Lucius."

"Of course I didn't kill Georgia. How could I do that to you?"

Narcissa had remained standing firm, offering him the newspaper. But at that, and at the hurt on his face, she broke down exactly in the way Anna had wanted. Lucius leapt from the bed and caught her before she could hit the ground, and they sat there, on the dusty rug, for a long time.

"I'm sorry," she finally said. "I shouldn't have accused you of this."

"You're upset, Narcissa, and it does look like someone we know must have done it, although I don't know who. It wasn't in the plans." He was reading the newspaper over her shoulder, her head buried in his chest.

"So who then?"

But they both seemed to realize at the same time who exactly would have killed in the name of Voldemort without having put it in the official plans.

* * *

Lucius helped Narcissa fix her makeup and hair before they went downstairs, and they found their places near the head of the table, Narcissa keeping a wary eye on those who were still arriving. Severus wouldn't be there of course, since school had started, but she wanted to see when and if Cecily would come. She was resting her head heavily on Lucius's shoulder, feeling like a sleepy child at the end of a dinner party, but she was pleased to hear murmurs around the room about the improved appearance of the house.

To her surprise, Cecily and her brother came in with Bellatrix and Rodolphus and Voldemort, and instead of sitting, Cecily stood next to the Dark Lord at the head of the table. She was beaming, but Narcissa noted that she looked unhealthily thin, and that her eyes were dark. The room hushed as Voldemort began to speak.

"Cecily Parkinson has done exactly as I requested of her, and I believe stands as a model to the rest of you for the level of commitment I seek. She, untethered by a previous friendship, freed the world of yet another blood traitor and her Mudblood boyfriend. Maybe some of you saw it in tonight's paper. As soon as she learned that the man her once friend had chosen was of such low caliber, Cecily immediately began plans to make an example of them both. There are many of you in this room who would not do the same, as you consider the bonds you once had greater than the vow you made to me. If I see any signs of such traitorism, you should know I will not take it lightly. Now, Cecily, you may hold out your left arm to me."

"Thank you, My Lord," she murmured, trembling with excitement as she revealed palest skin. He placed his wand there and muttered something no one could hear, and then blinding green light seemed to engulf them both. Narcissa had to shut her eyes, and when she did she thought she heard Cecily scream out in pain. When the glow melted away, and she opened her eyes, Cecily was staring at her, and Narcissa wondered if she herself had made the sound.

* * *

At home, Narcissa wandered away to check on Anna while Lucius had a snack. She could hear him shouting at Dobby about something as she mounted the stairs, unsure if she had the strength to go all the way to the top. Once on the third floor, she pushed the bedroom door open slowly, hoping it wouldn't make a sound, but when she peered in the bed was empty and made, with a note folded on the pillow.

 _Dear Narcissa,_

 _It was very kind of you to let me stay here, but I think they'll miss me at home. Aside from that, I can't help but think you've changed, and I'm unsure if we should be spending time together. The old Narcissa wouldn't leave me alone to go to dinner with Lucius, nor would she be able to put on a brave face at the death of a friend. You're frightening me, and I think I know why._

 _It's not too late to go back to how things were, to be with me or Andromeda. It's never too late. Don't let him do this to you._

 _Goodbye, for now,_

 _Anna_

Narcissa read the note once, and then incinerated it right there with her wand, leaving the ashes on the bedspread. Then she went back downstairs, and shared a piece of cake with Lucius, his arm around her as they stood at the kitchen counter.

"It's ok to be upset," he said, "even if the Dark Lord was pleased. You two were very close."

"Yes," Narcissa said, "we were."

* * *

 **Idk what's up next exactly, but I'm thinking there will probably be a small time jump, and also that Severus may be hanging around!**

 **Also, you guys should follow me on tumblr if you want! it's felicityfelix**

 **xoxo**


	9. The Guest

**A very nice review got me inspired to update, which just shows what the power of reviewing can do… ;)**

* * *

Severus came to live with them when he finished school. Although he and Lucius had been corresponding about it for months, and he was perfectly welcome, he wouldn't let them come get him from the station, choosing instead to drag his trunk halfway across the city by himself. When Narcissa opened the front door to greet him, the boy was breathing very heavy, and had a sheen of sweat across his forehead.

"You know we would have come for you with the elf, Severus," she reprimanded, beckoning Dobby to take the trunk upstairs. "I don't understand why you're so proud about it."

Severus mumbled something about getting grief from his peers, and she put her arm around him to lead him inside.

"Would you like something to eat, or a tour?"

"A shower," he said, "if that's alright."

"Perfectly alright. I'll show you your room."

She took him to the guest room on the third floor and pointed out the bathroom across the landing, then left him to his own devices to go down and work on dinner.

Lucius didn't like her to cook, although she was very good at it. He said people would talk, say that he wasn't taking care of her properly, and that a girl as fine as herself should spend her days relaxing and leave housework to the elves. But it wasn't in Narcissa's nature to leave things up to anyone else, and cooking was one of her favorite things to do. Of course she would leave the dishes to Dobby, and knew that when they were older and had a gaggle of children she would be glad for the help. But for the time being, she liked the feeling of moving gracefully through the kitchen to make something for her husband, who would often sit and watch her or sneak up to steal bites.

When he came home from work that day, Lucius found her stirring a large pot of soup, a loaf of bread cooling on the counter.

"I know it's plain," she said as he put his arm around her waist and accepted a spoonful straight from the pot, "but I thought Severus would be hungry, and this will be warm and filling."

"He'll love it, dear. If he doesn't I'll box his ears. Where is he, anyway?"

"Cleaning up, although I suspect he's just hiding now; it's been almost two hours. Why don't you go talk to him?"

Lucius kissed her on the cheek and trailed his fingers up and down her back before moving away.

"Lucius, one more thing. When you get a chance, you should really talk to him about mumbling. He'll never get anywhere in life with that pattern of speech."

"Yes, lovely, you're right. I'll be sure to bring it up with him."

* * *

At dinner, Severus scarfed down his first serving before Narcissa had made a dent in hers, and Lucius cleared his throat pointedly when the elf refilled his bowl. Severus took the next serving more slowly, although it looked as if it pained him to do so.

Narcissa tried and failed to keep a conversation flowing at the table; usually, with just her and Lucius, one comment about either of their days started them off and kept them talking until bedtime. She asked Severus about his N.E.W.T.s and he answered shortly that he thought them easy, and she asked about his friends from school and he mumbled, reminding her subtly that he didn't have any. She sighed and looked to Lucius, who shrugged imperceptibly and asked about her day, getting them wrapped up in a conversation that lasted through dessert without any input from Severus.

"Let's go to my study and talk, Sev," Lucius said as Narcissa began to fix herself the cup of coffee she liked after dinner. "I'll see you upstairs later, love."

She turned and smiled at the men as they left. Severus stopped in his tracks and looked at her, mouth open, trying to force out words.

"I don't want you to think I'm not grateful, Narcissa," he said in a rush, Lucius looking on from the doorway. "I'm just not very good with saying so. Or saying anything really."

"That's fine, Sev," she said, relief flowing through her. So he didn't hate them. "I know."

Severus managed to smile back at her, and he and Lucius disappeared into the dark hall.

* * *

"What did you two discuss?" she asked Lucius later in the night. He was already in bed, arm over his eyes, and she was taking careful time in front of the mirror, braiding her hair.

"Tomorrow, mostly. He's taking the Mark, you know, and so is Regulus."

Narcissa's head snapped around, hairbrush immobile in midair.

"Regulus?"

Lucius sat up at her sharp tone.

"Yes, Regulus. He's been at meetings before, hasn't he? And Severus has been keeping him updated while they've been at school. His mother wants it for him desperately, you know her."

"But he's just a boy. He'll be in school for two years yet."

Lucius sighed and pushed back her side of the bedding, gesturing for her to come to him. She did, braid forgotten, but would only sit on the edge of the bed.

"The Dark Lord is past caring about how old people are, Cissy. If they prove themselves loyal, he's willing to accept them. And don't you want Regulus to be with us now, in case the war should end soon? Isn't it better for him to prove himself young, so he can have everything the new world we create can offer him?"

"I suppose you're right," she said slowly, relaxing into his hand on her shoulder. But she couldn't stop seeing Regulus as a toddler, the youngest of them all, chasing birds in the garden. "It's better this way, to keep him in the family."

"Yes. I knew you'd understand. Now let's go to bed without any more talk of it."

* * *

Severus came out of his shell fairly quickly once he settled in; it seemed that fear of being bullied was really all that had held him back. He and Narcissa got along well, and he would help her around the house however he could to earn his keep, although they all knew he needed to do nothing of the sort. He was one of them now, and they did take good care of their own. Lucius had Narcissa go out to get the boy a few new sets of robes, nothing very fancy, but sturdy and attractive and certainly better than the threadbare things he already had. She left them in a plain box on his bed to avoid embarrassment, and he knew better than to fight them over it.

The pattern of days had changed a little bit since early in Lucius and Narcissa's marriage. Now they didn't go to Bellatrix's quite so often; with more and more Death Eaters joined, it was easier for them to divide into smaller groups. Lucius and Severus preferred to work together in Lucius's study, and actively fight rarely. If they ever did go into the night together, wands ready, Narcissa would worry herself sick until they returned in one piece, and the next morning she would refuse to read the newspaper.

All the while Lucius's power at the Ministry grew and grew. His father had started to withdraw a bit from public life, which left Lucius with control over who could partake of the Malfoy fortune. This made his desk job less and less important, and he found himself able to come and go from work as he pleased, going in late and leaving early or skipping days altogether. He and Narcissa had had the Minister and his wife over for dinner two or three times, and the man seemed to be in almost awe of Lucius and his beautiful young wife.

"Eats out of the palm of my hand," Lucius would say to Narcissa once they had the house to themselves, and she could see very clearly it was true.

* * *

"Narcissa, we have to go! Surely you're ready by now."

Lucius was waiting at the bottom of the stairs for her, dressed for yet another Ministry party. He was beginning to hate going to the damn things, although it was a necessity of building his influence. Narcissa's outer robes were already draped across his arm, but she had been upstairs for 30 minutes since he had finished getting ready and gone downstairs.

When she came to the top of the stairs, it was worth it. She was dressed in a low cut, pale blue dress, gems he had given her sparkling at her neck and wrists.

"Do I look ok?" she asked, smirking a bit. She knew exactly how she looked.

"Better than our wedding day," he murmured. Lucius unfurled her robes as she walked down to him, and she slipped into them with grace.

"Do you really think it's better than our wedding day? Because Mother will have your head for saying that, think of all the Galleons they spent."

"Equally beautiful. Always beautiful."

"You're too much. Is that how you talk to all the girls?"

"Yes, but you're the only one who fell for it."

"Can we walk?"

Lucius looked out the windows next to the front door; the night looked calm, and warm enough.

"Walk there, Apparate back," he offered.

"Walk there, Floo back. I won't be drunkenly splinched."

"Then don't drink so much. You really shouldn't, Cissy, because I don't want you trying to snog me in front of all these people."

"You like it," she said, opening the door.

"Well," he whispered, locking it behind them, "you've got me there."

* * *

The party was more fun than usual; Narcissa was particularly fetching that night, and the couple seemed to attract crowds of attention anywhere they stepped. They stayed until much later than they usually did, and as they had both predicted, they were both feeling somewhat dizzy by the time they made it home.

"I don't think I've ever laughed so much in one night," Narcissa said, stumbling out of her dress and tossing hair pins to the ground, where they landed upright in the carpet. "My face hurts."

"Let me kiss it better," Lucius said, for once as drunk as she. He went to her and took her face in his hands, and in turn she placed her hands over his. "May I?"

"Stop talking," she said, and he did.

They ended up on the bed, of course, but really they just kissed for a very long time, occasionally shifting positions or letting their hands roam, but neither trying to move things any further. Eventually, after they had heard the clock in the hall chime a few times, they broke apart, gasping and feeling more sober and drunker than ever all at the same time.

"I want to say something," Narcissa said, pushing her hair away from her flushed face, "but I don't want you to think I'm silly."

"Impossible."

Narcissa turned away and began to remove her jewelry, dropping things onto the tray on her bedside table. It was with her back still to him that she spoke again.

"I think it's time for us to have a baby." She was glad to have her face hidden, sure that he would be able to see her swallowing hard as her heart leapt into her throat.

Lucius made a very strange sound, something between a laugh and a shout, and grabbed her from behind to pull her back into him.

"Yes, of course it is," he said, and at that tears sprang up in her eyes.

"Really? You don't think we're too young?"

"No, lovely, I think we're ready. Look at how well we've done raising Severus, after all."

She smiled, and, unable to think of anything else to do, began to tug at his underwear.

"Mrs. Malfoy, I beg of you to have a little decorum," he said, but he was already making short work of her bra.

"It's just that I've never wanted you so badly before, Mr. Malfoy," she replied, and that was the end of the conversation.

* * *

 **I know this is a little short, but I just wanted to set some things up and write a little bit of couple-y stuff between our two favorite Slytherins!**


	10. The Luckiest

**I wasn't thinking of the song when I was writing this chapter, but I ended up naming it after the Ben Folds song _The Luckiest_ (which I associate with one my favorite movies _About Time_ )! So they're not a perfect match but it is a little bit related if you want to listen while you read :)**

* * *

Now, when Narcissa was walking down the street, she couldn't help but become enchanted with each and every baby she saw, wizard or Muggle. She had always been this way, really, but it was as if she finally had a license to embrace the feeling, and she did so with gusto, even beginning to learn how to knit so she could make tiny hats and sweaters. She felt happy in a new way, and waited each month with baited breath for the day her period wouldn't come.

They had expected it to be easy, as everyone does. Lucius and Narcissa had thought, that because they wanted a baby and were young and in love and had money and came from good families, that they would receive one within the year, and then soon afterwards they could try and have another. But unfortunately it wasn't like that at all. By the time Christmas passed and Easter colors began to adorn storefronts, Narcissa was feeling like something must have been terribly wrong with her, and Lucius watched with a sinking feeling as her knitting projects were set aside. He stopped mentioning anything about children to her unless she should bring up the subject, and began to buy her more and more elaborate gifts, coming home each Friday night with a box from the jewelry store.

"Don't give up, Cissy," he whispered into her hair as he held her crying one night. "It's barely been any time at all. Please don't worry yourself so much, it's not helping anything."

"But what if it never happens, Lucius? I can't go my whole life without a child. I can't."

Lately, she had stopped referring to "children", although he knew that she had always imagined herself matriarch of a large family. Already her expectations were lowered to just one child; the bare minimum of what could make her happy.

"Narcissa, I don't want to be stern, but the girl I married wouldn't give up so easily. You have a willing partner in this with you; I will make sure it comes out right."

"I know, Lucius, I know. I'm being silly."

"Not silly, never that. I understand why you feel this way. I'm concerned too. And I hope you know I want a family as much as you."

"Yes, that's why we're so perfect together."

"Good."

They sat curled together a while longer, and Lucius pulled the blankets up to cover them. Her sniffling slowed after some time, and he could begin to feel her grow heavier against his chest.

"Let me say one more thing," he said, and she murmured affirmation in a sleepy haze. "Cissy, a long time ago, I asked the universe for you, and it wasn't until two weeks before I was supposed to marry Andromeda that I received what I sought. I thought I would die, unhappy and alone, before we were together. But it all came together, and I have you now, and I will make sure you get everything you deserve."

"I love you, Lucius," she replied, and then, finally, was able to sleep.

* * *

After their talk, Narcissa's spirits were bolstered, and life could go on. The next Saturday, Lucius told her he wouldn't be able to go to family dinner the next day, and suggested she take Severus instead. Narcissa didn't press him for information about where he would be, since she had a sinking feeling she didn't want to know, and instead offered to have Dobby wash Severus's nicest clothes.

On Sunday, Lucius left before Narcissa woke, and she and Severus spent their mornings puttering about individually. Severus took advantage of Lucius's absence to spread his parchment out all across his desk, and Narcissa retrieved an abandoned baby blanket, still on the needles, from deep in a dresser drawer.

The pair decided to walk to her parents' house, even though it was windy and gray. Narcissa always preferred to walk, and Severus, knowing this, wouldn't deny her. They didn't say much on their way, but maybe halfway there Narcissa began to notice him glancing over at her and turning away quickly several times over.

"Would you like to say something?" she asked, laughing at how he had reverted to his shy old self.

"Well, yes, but maybe I shouldn't."

"Oh, now you must."

They took maybe 20 more steps, his face growing more resolute with each one.

"Lucius told me that you're trying to have a baby, and I just wanted to tell you I hope it all works out, because I know how much you want it."

Narcissa felt heat flare on the back of her neck for a moment, and couldn't think of what to say.

"I'm sorry," Severus rushed to say, resolution visibly dying out. "I shouldn't have brought it up at all. It's personal. I apologize."

"No, it's alright," she decided. "Thank you."

"You're welcome."

They kept walking, reaching the edges of her parents' neighborhood.

"You two really talk about things like that?" she asked. Narcissa knew they were friends, but she didn't know it ran so deep, and that was what struck her as odd about the conversation more than anything else.

"Not often," Severus replied. "But lately it seemed like something was wrong, so I asked, and he told me. And I've just been thinking about it, because I want you two to be happy. You deserve it. Your child would be lucky."

With that last sentence, there was a hard edge on his voice; clearly he was making a comparison.

"Oh, that's so nice to hear, Sev. Really. You know, lately I haven't had too many people to talk to myself. Lucius, of course, but he's as wrapped up in it as I am. And now my friends…it's all changed. I only ever see Cecily and she's gone the way of Bellatrix. And Bellatrix is about as good a sister as a lamppost. Meaner than a lamppost, too."

At that, Severus laughed and Narcissa did too, and by the time they reached the Blacks' front gate they were in stitches.

"I'm glad you told me that you know, Sev," Narcissa finally managed to say, hand still on the latch. "I was starting to get so lonely over it. It's nice to have a friend again."

* * *

They stayed late at the Blacks' house. Cygnus took a liking to Severus right away, and over after dinner drinks they got engaged in conversation about the Dark Arts while Druella grilled Narcissa about the non-existent baby. Narcissa regretted ever telling her mother she and Lucius were trying – ever since it had been a constant barrage of questions, many of which Narcissa would prefer not to answer.

"I'm as frustrated as you are, Mummy," Narcissa finally said in a short way. "You have to know we're doing everything we can. And we're young yet."

"But you want lots of children, don't you? At least a boy and a girl?"

"Is that what you were trying for?" Narcissa snapped. "Look what good it's done you, you've only got one normal child left."

"Two," her mother replied, voice icing over.

"But where is Bella tonight, Mother? Getting her fingernails dirty, that's for sure, and I know what you always told us about that."

"We're proud of her," Druella sniffed, and looked away for a moment. They were perched on some very hard chairs in the parlor, and Severus and Cygnus were just barely visible through the doors to the library, apparently immune to the women's loud conversation.

"Yes, I know." Narcissa sipped her tea through tight lips for a moment longer before getting up. "Severus and I should go. I think Lucius will be home, and I want to see him."

She went and called to Severus, telling him she was going. He told her to go along without him and that he would come in a minute, and then immediately stuck his nose back into the battered book Cygnus had handed him.

 _Better that way,_ she thought, gathering her outerwear up and slinging it across her arm. She would Floo back rather than face now rainy London alone. _Because I need to rant to Lucius about this nightmare for a good long time._

Just as she was opening the crystal jar that held their Floo powder, Druella came up and squeezed her around the shoulders.

"We are proud of you too, Narcissa," she said.

"I know," Narcissa whispered back, ashamed at her anger. She kissed her mother on the cheek without really looking at her and then, blissfully, allowed the flames to engulf her.

* * *

She could tell something was wrong before she even got her bearings and opened her eyes. The room reeked of firewhiskey, and when her vision stopped spinning Narcissa focused in on Lucius, slumped in an armchair. Immediately she dropped her things on the hearth and ran to him, kneeling at his feet. To her relief he appeared relatively unharmed, although one eye was black and his face was dirty. The strangest thing was his outfit, a set of threadbare, red robes she had never before; certainly nothing he would ever choose to wear.

"What's wrong, honey?" she asked, reaching up to take his hand. It was cold, as if he had been outside a long time.

"Don't want to worry you." His words, usually so polished, were slightly askew with alcohol.

"You _are_ worrying me. Have you eaten?"

"Master Lucius won't eat a bite," Dobby said from behind her, and she jerked her head around to find him there with them, picking up her robes and hat. "I offered many times, but he's not wanting anything."

"Out!" Lucius roared, and to Narcissa's shock he threw his glass at the elf. It missed his head by inches and shattered on the far wall. She looked back to her husband, mouth agape, and barely heard the elf snap to clear the broken glass away before he scurried out.

"Now you must tell me what's going on," she said, pulling herself to her feet. She smoothed his hair back and unbuttoned his shirt a bit, hoping to release some tension. Lucius shut his eyes tight for a moment, and when he opened them she could see he had regained a little clarity.

"Sit down," he sighed, and gestured to his lap. Narcissa found her place there easily, and for a moment just listened to the reassuring beat of his heart. If nothing else, that was the same.

"I promised you I would protect Andromeda and her family, so I did. What I'm wearing is a disguise, so I could sit in front of their house all day and watch. An attack was planned."

"Planned by who?" But Narcissa, with a terrible hole in her stomach, already knew.

"Bellatrix, who else?"

Narcissa let out a gasp as if it had been a surprise to her; even though she had already guessed, it felt like a true shock to hear it out loud.

"She fought you?"

"Not exactly. I put up some discreet protections over their house; they already had a good lot, but they don't use Dark Magic, which is to their disadvantage, the idiots. Sorry, lovely, didn't mean to say it like that. But really a few Death Eaters working together could have blasted the whole thing apart, and Andromeda is smart enough to know that if she could push her morals aside for a moment. Anyway, I added my own layer, which they shouldn't ever notice, and waited to see if it would work. It did; soon as Bellatrix arrived she saw she couldn't do anything. But then I guess she saw me on the bench across the street and assumed I was either foe or someone who didn't matter, and she sent a few good hexes my way."

Narcissa couldn't help but stop him with a kiss there; the story was beginning to overwhelm her. He tasted of sweat and alcohol and in that moment she was intoxicated by him, the man who would do anything for her. His hands went to her back as she shifted a little to lean over him, and the pressure, his reassurance and affirmation to her, made her want to weep.

"I'm sorry," she gasped out when she pulled away. "I'm sorry you have to do this."

"It's fine, Cissy, I promise. I just defended myself so I wouldn't give away my cover with any spells she would expect from me, and then she left and I came here and started in on the bottle. And then thankfully you came home and saved me."

She leaned back to look at him, and he returned her gaze with the half-lidded eyes he always had after too much to drink. It made him look a little foolish, a little more boyish than usual, and she adored it because she always knew she was the only one he would allow see him that way. Narcissa wanted to let him rest, but there was one last thing she couldn't help herself from asking.

"Why would she try their house at all, though? Everyone knows it's very hard to get inside someone's enchantments, especially now."

"Maybe she was hoping it would be easy; honestly, if I hadn't been there it would have been. Or maybe she's secretly hoping she can keep being thwarted from actually accomplishing the goal."

"I'll hope it's the latter," Narcissa murmured.

They watched the fire die in silence until Narcissa remembered Severus would be returning soon.

"Unless you want to explain all this to Sev, you should go upstairs. You should go upstairs anyway, actually, and change and wash and drink a big glass of water. I'll bring you a tray."

"I can't believe I'm the luckiest man alive," he said as she untangled their limbs to stand and hold a hand out to him. "To come home to this."

"To the luckiest woman alive, whose husband does things like this just because she once asked him to."

She watched him go out the sitting room door to the stairs, and saw the firewhiskey coming out in his steps.

"Throw those robes away," she shouted after him, and he waved his hand to show her it was a forgone conclusion.

* * *

Severus arrived only 5 minutes after Narcissa heard the shower begin to run upstairs. She beckoned him into the kitchen, and offered him a cookie.

"Lucius has had a day of it, so please don't go looking for him, if you don't mind."

"Wasn't going to, it's late. I really enjoyed talking to your father, Narcissa. He was very kind to me."

"He's a great supporter of the Dark Lord and the Death Eaters and all of it. He'd be one himself, except he's much too old. I'm sure they'd have you over any time."

"Yes, he offered. Thank you again for taking me."

"Thank you for coming. You saved me from a whole dinner of conversation with my mother, at least. She only got me at the end there."

"It didn't sound like a particularly pleasant conversation."

"It wasn't. But next week Lucius will go, and Bellatrix might be there and then we won't have to talk about me at all, will we?"

"You'll have to let me know what happens."

It took a second for her to register this, and she kept piling things on a sandwich for Lucius without a thought. When she realized what he meant, she stopped with a knife covered in mustard poised in midair.

"Oh, but Severus, I meant for you to keep coming! I mean Lucius and you and I will go!"

Somehow, Severus's gray skin turned pink.

"I look forward to it," he said, but he was mumbling again. "I'll just go to bed then. Tell Lucius I wish him well."

"Yes, I will."

* * *

In bed, with the tray resting across Lucius's knees, Narcissa considered it all.

"I'll send her an anonymous letter and tell her they need a Secret-Keeper. That'll do it, won't it? Then they'll be safe?"

"Safer," he agreed, mouth full of sandwich. "Safe in their home, at least."

"Then I'll do that in the morning."

"As long as you disguise your handwriting when you've finished. And don't use our owl."

"You don't mind, do you? If you think I shouldn't do it I won't."

"I'm not going to stop you from doing anything, Cissy," he said. He had finished his food and Levitated the tray down onto the floor so he could sink lower in bed. "I really wouldn't dare."

She snuggled down with him, breathing in the smell of his soap.

"Our children will be very lucky, you know," she said.

"Yes, I know," he breathed, and then, almost instantly, fell asleep.

* * *

 **Things are beginning to unravel...the next chapter is going to be a heartbreaker, so watch out. xoxo**


	11. Red

**Hi, quick note: it's a long story but basically I'm re-uploading this chapter after already posting it and taking it down once due to some errors with my profile. If you read _Red_ already you don't need to read it again now, because I didn't change the content at all!**

* * *

She was so awfully pale lying there. All around her, things were white – the pillows, her nightgown, the sheets. White and clean and she, Narcissa, his angel, just blended right in. But then he would shut his weary eyes and see red in a terrible flash, reminding him how they got there.

* * *

She realized it on a riotously beautiful summer morning when Lucius happened to have taken a day off from everything to just be with her. He was reading the newspaper (grim news, despite the sunshine) at the kitchen table when she came downstairs, still in her thinnest nightgown and dressing robe.

"I think I have something to tell you," she said in a daze, eyes unfocused above his head. "I mean, I've just realized something, and you should know…"

Lucius didn't say anything, but he did set down his teacup and close the newspaper, beckoning for her to come closer. She did, and he was mesmerized by the movement of the sheer fabric barely covering her body.

"It's just occurred to me," Narcissa said, now standing in front of him, hands offered for him to take, "that I must be pregnant."

Lucius's chair jerked backwards; he had fallen to his knees before her and grabbed her around the waist. She put her hands on his head and held him there, slowly coming back to herself and beginning to smile very broadly. Eventually he managed to stand, releasing her only for a moment before he pulled her back into his arms, lifting her off her feet.

"You're sure?" he finally asked when he set her down. Tears were running down her face at his joy.

"Yes, yes it all makes sense. I didn't mention it before because…I don't know, I just thought I was being foolish, that everyone is late sometimes, that I had a stomach bug, that sort of thing. But I know now. I'm sure."

"I…Cissy, I don't know what to do. What do we do know? I want to stand on the roof and shout."

"What if we went back to bed for a bit, to just be together?"

"Much better idea, lovely. You always know what to do."

They spent most of their day in bed, having Dobby bring them lunch when they got hungry. Lucius trailed his finger over Narcissa's still flat stomach over and over, and she just watched him, admiring the new softness around his eyes. Occasionally he would look up at her and smile; she couldn't think of a time when she had seen him so happy, and he couldn't ever remember seeing her more beautiful.

* * *

Only a few weeks later, when he and Narcissa were both reading in the sitting room, Severus received an owl, the note brought to him by Dobby. Narcissa watched, intrigued, from the corner of her eye as he opened it; Severus almost never had letters.

"What is it?" she finally pried as she watched his face fall the smallest bit. "Is something the matter?"

"It's my father," he said slowly, still reading. "He's died."

"Oh, Severus," Narcissa said, and she started to get up to go to him, but he held out an arm to stop her.

"Don't," he said, and then he glanced at her. "Don't worry, I mean. He wasn't…this is better."

"Oh."

"That must sound terrible to you. I apologize. But he's the reason I couldn't go home; I couldn't stand it anymore."

"I understand."

They sat in silence for a moment, and then Narcissa got up and began to nervously tidy the room.

"I should go to her. My mother." Severus seemed to realize this suddenly, and jumped up.

"Yes, go on then. And let us know if you need anything."

He nodded, doing his best to avoid looking at her, and started to leave the room.

"Severus?" she called.

He turned back and met her eyes, and she could see that tears were gathering there, threatening to spill over.

"Please let me give you a hug," Narcissa said, and he decided to allow it.

* * *

Late the next night, when Lucius and Narcissa were lingering at the table over tea, they heard the front door open and shut, and Narcissa recognized Severus's steps straight away.

"Come into the dining room, Sev," she called, and he appeared in the doorway. His eyes were very dark, as if he hadn't slept since Narcissa had seen him off, and he was still wearing the same robes.

"Sit down and eat something. By the looks of you I'm sure you haven't had any proper food since you left," Lucius said.

"Be kind, Lucius," Narcissa said softly.

"He's right, Narcissa. Thank you both."

Dobby brought out a plate of leftovers and Severus devoured it while they all sat in silence. When he finished Lucius poured glasses of brandy for them both, and Severus, noticing he hadn't gotten one for Narcissa, tried to offer his to her. She blushed violently in a way she hadn't in quite a while; she and Lucius hadn't told anyone about the baby yet.

"I don't care for any tonight, Severus, but thank you," she said, acutely aware that he would find this strange. As she predicted, he raised an eyebrow but didn't argue, and Narcissa rushed to change the subject.

"How is your mother doing?" she asked.

Severus took a long drink and sighed, putting a finger on his temple.

"She's better off without him, although she'd never admit it. But she's very ill as well, I had no idea…barely getting around, not remembering much of anything. I always knew my father would drink himself to death, but her…"

Severus put his head fully in his hands for a moment, gulping down air while Lucius and Narcissa looked politely away.

"I thought that once he was gone, she and I would have time. She's still young, you know. But it turns out they were just propping each other up, and I was willfully blind to it," he finished.

Lucius refilled Severus's glass, but instead of drinking he just stared at it, rolling the crystal around in his hands.

"So you'll go be with her," Narcissa said, breaking the silence. It was clear to her that the two men would never come to this decision, choosing instead to drink until things felt better. "She's not dead yet, Sev, maybe you can help her. Or if not, you can spend the time together you wanted to. Lucius and I will be fine here alone, believe it or not."

Severus looked up, and for a moment she was afraid he might be angry with her. Instead he nodded slowly and pushed his glass away.

"You're right, of course."

"She always is," Lucius said, and he reached out to take her hand across the table.

* * *

In the morning Narcissa went downstairs almost as soon as she rolled out of bed, thinking herself home alone. Lucius would be at the Ministry already, and she had said her goodbyes to Severus before bed the night before. But when she went into the kitchen, still yawning, Severus jumped up from a seat at the table, obviously afraid of startling her.

"Did something happen?" she asked straightaway. Severus usually wasn't one to abandon plans once they were set.

"No, no, I just…it didn't feel right to not say goodbye again."

Narcissa's face crumpled up, lips twisting into something between a smile and a frown. It was so nice to see that he too was dreading the change, although they both knew it was necessary.

"I should thank you again for everything. Lucius too, but you really…when you and I are together I just feel like a regular person, and I really appreciate that."

"Yes, I know what you mean."

They stood in silence for a moment, and out in the hall the clock chimed 9:30.

"You're still welcome here all the time, Sev. And at my parents' too, I'm sure. Keep coming to Sunday dinner, if you'd like."

"I will, when I can."

"And we'll see each other at Bellatrix's house, if nothing else."

"Not the venue I'd prefer."

"No, me neither, but I suppose we must take what we can get."

He fiddled with the clasps on his trunk and she turned to the coffee pot. She knew better than to offer him a cup; she was the only one in the house who liked coffee at all.

"Narcissa," he ventured, voice trembling, "you're going to have a baby, aren't you?"

She turned back to him and smiled; she had been wondering if he would say anything.

"How could you tell?"

"Lucius has been so much happier lately, mostly. And then last night, you wouldn't have a drink."

"I knew you would notice."

"I'm very glad for you."

Narcissa knew they could have kept talking for hours, through lunch at least, until she could invent another excuse for him not to leave, but instead she just went to him and wrapped him in a hug, and he didn't resist like he usually might. When she finally pulled back, they both knew it was time to let go.

"I'm not going to let you fuss with that trunk this time. Leave it and the elf will bring it later today."

"Yes, ma'am."

"Goodbye for now, Severus."

"For now."

* * *

Lucius came home that night and found flowers on every surface; the kitchen table, their dresser, the mantelpiece.

"I went and did some shopping," Narcissa said, meeting him at the door. "And I got to thinking about this house and how we planned to move to the Manor when we started to have children. But I think we should stay here for now, to have a place that's just for our little family. Don't you think? Severus's room can be a nursery now."

"That's what you want?"

"Exactly what I want."

"Then stay we will."

* * *

It did not occur to Narcissa to wait to buy a crib, or a rocker, or any number of other baby things. They didn't want to find out the gender, so the guest room filled up with heaps of white clothing and bedding, because Narcissa couldn't think of anything sweeter than a little blonde baby wrapped in pure white. Lucius started a list of names and left the piece of parchment on the kitchen counter where they could each add to it whenever they thought of an idea.

"It's really happening," Narcissa whispered to Lucius one night as she folded a little blanket she had just finished making. She let it rest across the tiny mound of her stomach, just barely beginning to show. "Let's tell our families soon."

"I was thinking the same thing. Imagine how pleased they'll be."

"Mother will cry."

"Both of our mothers will cry, and your father will immediately buy something ridiculous and expensive that a baby would never need."

"I can't wait."

"Then let's go to bed, and decide how to go about it in the morning."

Lucius never forgot saying that, because he always imagined, in the months that followed, that maybe if they hadn't gone to bed just then everything that happened next wouldn't have come to pass.

Maybe if they had stayed up and planned it all out until the sun rose, she wouldn't ever have woken up crying out in pain.

Maybe if they had another piece of cake or another cup of tea, the sheets wouldn't have been so bloodstained that they later had to be thrown away.

Maybe they never would have gone to the hospital at all, or maybe they would have gotten there sooner and the Healers could have done something other than "make her comfortable".

He blamed himself because there was no one else to blame, and surely things like this didn't happen by random chance.

He had often heard people say that in an emergency, when someone you loved was in peril, things moved so fast that you only came to hours later, suddenly aware that you had been to hell and back trying to save them. For him it was all very slow; for example, never before had he struggled so much to put on a pair of pants as he did when she was standing in the hallway, begging him to hurry. And when they got to St. Mungo's, it seemed that no one would listen to him, that they weren't being taken seriously among the cacophony of spell damage and cursed jewelry and that they waited for hours. Later Narcissa would tell him that they had actually been placed in a private room within minutes of arriving, Healers crowding him out as they poked and prodded her and forced Blood Replenishing Potion down her throat. After that she didn't remember anything, but he did. He remembered sitting there, staring at her and wondering when she became so pale and so fragile, for what seemed like years.

Within half an hour of their arrival, a Healer told him that Narcissa had probably miscarried a few days or even weeks before, and that all the trauma was only the aftermath of that, the final blow. She was sleeping next to them when he got this news, dosed heavily with all kinds of potions. Lucius couldn't even speak to the Healer any longer, and dismissed her with a wave of his hand, voice caught deep in his throat.

"If it helps," she said on her way out, "this is very common so early in pregnancy."

 _Of course it doesn't,_ he thought, hating the woman with a vengeance he had rarely felt before. _My wife, my beautiful, lively wife, is going to wake up in this hospital bed and I'm going to have to hold her hand and tell her she's lost the only thing she ever wanted._

* * *

When Narcissa did wake, her hand was clasped very tightly in Lucius's, although he was asleep in his chair. She squeezed his fingers to wake him, still confused and unsure of what had happened, and his head jerked straight up; his sleep had been very shallow.

"I'm sorry," he said, almost as soon as he looked at her. Already he was crying. "I'm so sorry, Cissy."

"It's over?" she asked in disbelief as he crawled into the bed with her.

"Yes," he choked out. "Yes, that's what they said."

"Oh."

"Just let me hold you. Let me fix this."

Narcissa put her hand on his head as he settled it on her chest, and stroked through his hair. The position comforted her, his weight a reassurance. She was dazed, and surprised she wasn't crying. It all still felt like a dream, Lucius's grief unwarranted because surely this couldn't be happening, surely they would wake up at home and go to her parents' house and have the joyful gathering they had planned.

"What's going to happen?" she asked, like a child herself.

"I don't know."

"I want to feel sad, but I don't feel anything."

Lucius didn't reply, and for a while she just focused on the sounds of a busy hospital, of gurneys and carts rolling by and of the chatter of Healers passing in the hall. Babies were being born out there, some at home and some just a few rooms down from hers, and people were dying too, or being healed or grieving. She thought of Severus briefly, and wondered if Lucius had told him anything in the time she had been asleep, and then she realized that Lucius didn't know that Severus had guessed their secret. He still supposed they were alone in all this, that the world was falling down and they were the only ones who knew.

"Will you write my mother?" she asked. She suddenly wanted very badly for Druella to be there.

"Yes, of course." He roused himself a little, face flushed on the side that had been pressed against her. "I'll just…well, surely someone here will have a bit of parchment. You don't mind if I leave you alone?"

"As long as you hurry back."

He nodded and got up, smoothing out a shirt that was wrinkled beyond hope.

* * *

Druella came quickly, alone, and Lucius let her and Narcissa have the room to themselves for a while. He went to the tearoom, walking there without acknowledging anyone he came across, and sat at the table farthest from the counter, facing the wall. But despite his best attempts to be alone and stay that way, he soon heard footsteps approach, and felt a hand on his shoulder.

"Mr. Malfoy?" the interloper asked, and he glanced up to see a Healer, different from the one who had told him miscarriages were normal, but whom he remembered from all the commotion the night before. "May I sit with you?"

"I suppose."

The man took the seat directly next to Lucius, and this felt too close for comfort. Lucius edged away slightly.

"I have some things I'd like to discuss with you."

"Do you now? Something you couldn't say in front of the person it surely concerns?"

The Healer, who was maybe in his 50's with only a small patch of hair left, considered this.

"I think it's something you might rather tell her yourself. May I?"

"If you must."

He spread out a few pieces of parchment on the table before them, which Lucius ignored entirely. If there was bad news, he didn't want to read it before he heard it.

"Had you and Mrs. Malfoy been trying to have a baby for a long time?"

"This is really very personal, Healer…"

"Kimball."

"Healer Kimball, and I'm not sure if she'd want me to discuss it with you."

"I promise it is important. I wouldn't want to pry if I didn't have to."

Lucius took another drink of tea, which had been very bad to start with and wasn't improving as it cooled.

"Yes, then. We had been trying."

"I thought maybe that had been the case. After examining her last night, and now knowing that, I think that her chances of successful conception are very low; after all, miscarriage is very rare."

Lucius looked Healer Kimball squarely in the eye for the first time, blood suddenly boiling. The man's glasses were askew, and Lucius had the strong desire to take them off and snap them in half.

"Now wait a moment. Not more than 12 hours ago, another Healer told me just the opposite."

"Opposite of...?"

"She said that miscarriages are very common, especially early in pregnancy."

The crooked glasses only underlined Healer Kimball's reaction; he was clearly shocked himself, and appeared to be running down a mental list of his colleagues to find one who would say something so completely incorrect.

"Mr. Malfoy, I'm very sorry someone told you that, and if you can tell me who it was I will surely correct them for the future. Maybe she meant in Muggle women; it is for them, I know, but in witches, it usually marks something as very wrong."

Lucius put his head in his hands; he was breathing very heavily, trying to hold back another round of tears.

"So you're telling me my wife may never have a child?"

"All signs indicate it, yes. I'm very sorry to have to bear this news."

"There's no chance?"

"I won't say that, Mr. Malfoy, mostly because I'm a hopeful man. I can recommend you to a Healer who specializes in this sort of thing if you like, and you can keep trying. There are potions that can help, and certainly support that can be given if she does conceive again, to make sure the pregnancy is successful."

The room was starting to spin for Lucius, and as Healer Kimball went on with his clinical language and warnings, he stopped listening, mostly because he could barely understand him over the ringing in his ears. Finally he just mumbled that he would take the specialist Healer's information, and Healer Kimball scratched it down on a corner of one of the pieces of parchment he had laid out. He tore it off and tucked it under Lucius's teacup, and then patted him awkwardly on the back and left. Almost as soon as the man stood, Lucius allowed sobs to wrack his body, the pride that normally held him together flowing out of him in rivers of tears. People were staring at him and tutting; they didn't know what had happened, or that he was a Death Eater or that on a normal day he wouldn't even look half of them in the eye. They saw him as he was, a man devastated in a hospital cafeteria, one of life's saddest and most constant fixtures.

Maybe 10 minutes later he caught his breath, and after 5 more he felt confident that his eyes were dry enough for him to turn around. He gathered his wand and his cloak and the little scrap of paper, and tried to begin his very long walk with some semblance of dignity.

* * *

 **Next: aftershocks.**

 **P.S. I hope you guys don't mind such quick updates! When I'm inspired I get too impatient to pace things out, although I probably should so I could make regular updates even when I'm not writing instead of posting three days in a row and then not for two weeks…oh well, it's just fanfic, no need to think too seriously about the logistics as long as we're having fun!**

 **Also, I see all of your very nice reviews and they are so helpful to me, not just with the story but also generally making me feel good about myself. Unfortunately for some reason ffn isn't showing some of the newest reviews on the story page, which is really frustrating me, but I still get the emails so I can read them there! :) thank you! xoxo**


	12. Remind Me

Lucius peered in the little window of her hospital room and saw that Narcissa had fallen asleep with her mother still by her side. Druella looked up and met his reddened eyes, and he beckoned for her to come into the hall.

"How is she?" he asked as she eased the door shut behind her. He thought it sounded silly as he asked it, but it seemed like the thing to say at a time like that.

"She still seems very confused, in denial maybe." Druella's arms were crossed, and she leaned back slightly to see in to her daughter. "I'm so glad I never went through something like this myself."

"It's horrible," he agreed, leaning heavily on the wall. "And I've just found out something worse."

He repeated to her what Healer Kimball had told him, and she reacted with the proper shock, covering her mouth with her hands. About halfway through the story it occurred to him that Narcissa might not want her mother to know these things, but he had to talk to someone, it couldn't be helped.

"He told you that in the tearoom?" she asked, and he nodded wearily.

"And then I sobbed like a madman for 10 minutes while everyone looked on."

Druella held her arms open to him, and it took all his restraint to not begin crying again while they embraced.

"Do you parents know?"

"No, they don't know anything. No one does. I suppose we'll have to tell them, but I don't relish the task."

He stared over her shoulder to where a very elderly man was darting to and fro, trying to avoid the Healer who wanted to remove what were apparently cursed mittens from his hands.

"What can I do for you two?" Druella asked tenderly. He had never seen her so motherly before, except maybe on their wedding day.

"I suppose you could go to our house and make sure it's ready for her to come home, whenever that will be. The bed is a sight, I apologize in advance. Just see what needs doing and get Dobby on the tasks - maybe he's already taken care of it, I don't know. You could bring back some clothes for her to go home in as well."

"Easy enough," she agreed. "Easier than your job. I'll just go get my things."

When they opened the door, Narcissa stirred and blinked her eyes open.

"You're back," she said to Lucius.

"To stay," he promised.

"But I'm going, dear," Druella said, kissing her daughter before putting on her hat. "I'll come back later. I love you."

"I love you too, Mummy," Narcissa said, and again he noted the child-like quality of her voice. Druella hugged Lucius again and was gone, walking with great purpose, handbag swinging.

"A Healer came while you were gone. He said I have to stay the night, but I want you to go home and rest," she said.

"That's very sweet Cissy, but you know there isn't a chance in hell I'd leave you here."

"Yes, that's what I was hoping you'd say."

He managed to squeeze in next to her on the bed; it was a much tighter fit with them both sitting up than it had been when his head was on her chest.

"What do I say to you now?" he mused, taking a strand of her hair and twirling it around and around his fingers. "What can I say?"

"There isn't anything to say, I guess, because I don't know either."

Lucius considered that, looking down at her. She was still very pale, and he remembered vaguely someone telling him she would need constant doses of Blood-Replenishing Potion. He sighed, and her eyes flickered up through thick lashes.

"There is one things I need to tell you, a hard thing, and I don't know if there will ever be a good time to say it," he said.

"Go on then. We're already having so much fun."

Lucius was amazed at her resilience. Little jokes were already creeping back into her words, and he hadn't seen her shed a tear yet, although he knew what he had to tell her might change all that.

"While you were with your mother, one of your Healers came to speak with me, and he told me that miscarriages are very rare for witches."

"I know, Mother said she didn't know anyone who'd ever had one."

"Yes, well, he said it probably indicates something very serious, and he said that since we had been trying so hard to conceive for so long with no success, it's likely that…"

He couldn't finish.

"Just say it, Lucius." She sounded like maybe she had already guessed the end of the sentence.

"He doesn't know if we can have children."

He looked at her, but she didn't look back. Instead she was staring with ferocity at the wall straight ahead of her, eyebrows furrowed.

"Ever?" she asked, voice very small.

"He said it isn't hopeless, and he told me about a specialist we can see who can help. I want to stay optimistic, Cissy, even if this is terribly hard to hear."

"So he said never, and then he said maybe."

"He never said never, not once."

She sunk down and took the hem of the sheet in-between her fingers, rolling it back and forth.

"Why didn't he tell me himself?" she asked, and he could tell she was finally going to cry.

"Because he's a coward."

"I want to go home."

"Tomorrow, as soon as we're allowed."

"Ok."

Narcissa's face was a bit blotchy, and a few tears ran down to her neck, but still she hadn't let go. Outside, the sun was setting on the longest day of their lives.

* * *

At home, she crawled into the newly-made bed straightaway and asked him to draw the curtains closed. The sun had barely come up and she was still in all her clothes, but he obeyed, and then, unsure of what to do himself, got in with her.

Neither of them had slept well at the hospital, and although Lucius had assumed he would just nap for a moment, by the time he awoke the light coming in through the crack in the curtains was turning dim again. He felt for Narcissa at his side, seeking the reassurance of her presence, but she wasn't there, and her side of the bed wasn't even warm. Sighing, he reached instead for his wand, flicking the curtains open when he found it and grimacing as his eyes adjusted. He sat up and put his feet on the floor. His head pounded with the movement.

"Dobby," he muttered, and the elf appeared at his feet.

"Yes, Master Malfoy?" he asked, wringing his hands.

"Where is Mrs. Malfoy?"

"I'm thinking she's in the guest room, sir. She had Dobby bring her coffee there earlier."

Lucius groaned; he could picture her in the rocking chair, running her fingers over smocked shirts and embroidered elephants.

"Make us dinner, Dobby. Something simple, something she likes. Go."

With the elf gone, Lucius stumbled into the bathroom and took an unmeasured gulp of pain potion, and then braced himself for what he would find upstairs.

* * *

She was standing, still in the clothes her mother had brought to the hospital, at the window, back to the door. When the door creaked open she inclined her head slightly towards the sound, but didn't look to him.

"How long have you been up here?" he asked softly.

"A long time," she replied. "I barely slept when we got back, and then I came straight up."

Lucius went up behind her and tried to wrap his arms around her waist, but she stiffened and shrugged him away. He picked up her coffee cup from the windowsill instead; it was ice cold but he took a sip anyway, and shuddered.

"How do you drink this black, or at all for that matter, mystifies me," he said, hoping she would laugh. Instead she just made a little noncommittal noise, and his heart sunk, somehow, even lower.

"If you're trying to get me to leave you up here by yourself, it'll never work," he said, and that finally got her to glance over at him. That the morning at the hospital, her mother had put a bit of makeup on her, and he could see that the mascara had smeared below her eyes.

"You're a good man, Lucius."

"You make me better. Will you come downstairs, please?"

She nodded and he outstretched a hand to lead her away. On the second floor landing, she pulled towards the bedroom, but he didn't relent.

"No, all the way down. Believe it or not, dinner will be ready soon."

"You're cruel."

"Whatever it takes."

* * *

They ate a meal of cucumber sandwiches at the kitchen table, saying very little. Lucius devoured them like a man starved, but Narcissa took only a few bites before pushing her plate away.

"Would you like something else?" he asked. "I want you to eat."

"Don't baby me, Lucius. I promise I won't let myself starve."

"As long as you promise."

Narcissa sighed and rested her chin in her hand, looking out the window into their tiny garden. It was really just a patio surrounded by dense trees and a few pieces of metal furniture that no one ever sat in; overall, one of the biggest downsides of their home.

"We should go for a walk," he suggested. "You always like that."

"It's dark, and besides, I don't want to be seen. I feel like a monster."

"If it's dark no one will see you. Not that you look like a monster, because I swear you don't."

"Lucius, please."

"We'll go to the Manor then, and walk in the gardens."

He could tell he was wearing her down, but she was stubborn yet.

"I will walk with you at the Manor tomorrow if you let me go upstairs now and take a Sleeping Draught," she decided.

"Go then," he said, smiling. "I'll be up."

He listened to her footsteps above him for a long time, moving back and forth from the bathroom and the closet. When he sure she had gotten in bed, Lucius left the table and crept to the third floor, where he sent the piles of clothing she had brought out during the day back into their drawers with a flick of his wand. He drew the curtains too, and when he left locked the door behind him.

* * *

Narcissa woke very early the next morning, the sun still trying to come up. She was careful to get out of bed without disturbing Lucius, and went downstairs in a fog. It still felt like everything was just happening around her, and there was nothing she could do except watch it all unfold. She wondered vaguely if she would ever feel like she had control of her own life again.

In the kitchen her fingers trailed along the counter. Dobby asked her if she wanted coffee and she nodded but did not speak. The place didn't look like her home anymore, but she couldn't put a finger on what had changed.

She noticed the piece of parchment with the names on it, still sitting exactly where she had left it last after writing the name _Briony_ in the column labeled "Girls" 5 days earlier. Narcissa picked it up and looked carefully at each entry, weighing them all in her mind. Then she set it back down and opened the drawer where they kept spare ink bottles and quills, withdrawing one of each. With deliberate care she unscrewed the lid and dipped the quill, and then put it to the parchment, circling the name _Draco_ (in Lucius's script) in purple ink. She then folded the list and placed it in the drawer, doubting they would ever need it again.

Narcissa looked at the empty kitchen table when Dobby handed her her coffee. It semmed a very lonely place to sit, so she went to the dining room, and then the sitting room, deciding they were both too vacant as well. By the time she had made these rounds she had finished half the cup, and rather than finish she left it on the mantelpiece in the foyer before returning to bed.

Their bedroom was still dark, and Lucius was still asleep, but by then she couldn't bear not to wake him. Narcissa crawled in to bed and inched up to her husband, arms wrapping around him as she pressed her face against his chest.

"Lucius," she whispered. "Lucius, wake up."

"What is it?" he mumbled, still halfway asleep. He did shift a little more to his back, seemingly aware, subconsciously, that she wanted to be closer to him.

"Lucius, do you still…" She trailed off, tears coming to close her throat. He rubbed her back absently, as if he was still unaware of exactly where they were.

"Don't cry, Cissy," he said. "I'm here."

But she kept crying, every tear that hadn't yet spilled coming up all at once. As the deluge went on Lucius gained consciousness, sitting up a little but never relinquishing his hold on her.

"Do you still want me?" she finally asked, voice still congested and cheeks still wet.

That finally jolted him fully awake.

"What kind of question is that?" He sounded truly offended.

"A valid one. You won't have an heir, and I would understand –"

"Narcissa, let me be clear," he interrupted. "I did not marry you because I needed an heir."

"No, only because you had to –"

Again, he interrupted.

"Should I say the same for you then? That you only married me because you had to?"

She pushed herself up, one hand firm against his chest, and stared at him.

"Of course I didn't. I mean, I suppose I did, but you know I _wanted_ to either way."

"So why would you insult me by implying I did anything different?"

Her face crumpled again, and she tossed one leg across him in abandon, straddling him to hold him more completely.

"That's not what I meant," she cried into his shoulder.

"It is what you meant, and I won't listen to it. I don't want you thinking that anything has changed between us now. Look at me."

Lucius took her chin and held it up, forcing her red eyes to meet his.

"I don't want to be one of those husbands who's stern with their wives, treating them like little children. You're much too intelligent for such a thing. But I will, just this once, spell something out to you. Are you listening?"

Narcissa nodded slowly; he had never been this way before.

"There is not one thing more important to me in this world than you and your happiness. If one day we have a child – because, Narcissa, I will not let you give up on this dream – I will love it as much as I love you. But there will never be a reason why I would turn from you, or why my love for you would diminish, and I will not hear you speak of such a thing again. Do you understand?"

She bit her lip into her mouth as she looked down at him, his jaw set and his eyes fiery. When she released it the skin was flushed dark pink, and Lucius gently ran his thumb along the tender place.

"We are going to fix this, lovely. Together," he said, voice greatly softened, and instead of replying she bent down to kiss him.

"I went downstairs this morning," she told him when she pulled away, "and it was all so empty. Have you noticed? It almost frightened me, and I had to come up here just to touch you, just to remind myself you were here."

"Do you want me to go down with you? I'll hold your hand."

She considered this, intertwining her fingers behind his neck.

"I don't think so. I think I just…I want to lie here and feel your skin on mine. Not sex, because I know we shouldn't yet. Just you and I, together."

Immediately he pulled off his undershirt, and then he slid his hands under her nightgown and up her torso, stripping it off as well.

"So like this?" he asked, spreading his hands across her back as he pulled her down to put them chest to chest.

"Yes, this exactly."

* * *

 **There's still the walk at the Manor and lots of conversations with friends and family to be had...I promise they're not going to stay in bed forever!**

 **xoxo**


	13. Sun

It was simple to lie there like that, warmth spreading into one another. They didn't need to talk to understand each other as Lucius's fingers danced up and down Narcissa's spine, and she felt for the first time that everything might be ok. Lucius would take care of her, regardless of what the future held, and if things ever got to be too much, they could come back to bed and to this position, chest to chest to feel their hearts beat together.

"Fuck," he muttered after about 30 minutes had passed. She felt the word rumble through his ribs.

"What is it?"

"I forgot we're supposed to meet today at Bellatrix's. How could I remember, after all of this? But my Mark is stinging, I should go soon. I know I promised you a walk, and we can go as soon as I get back, or tomorrow if you'd prefer –"

"I want to come," Narcissa said, sitting up and searching behind her for her nightgown to cover herself. Even in his hurry, Lucius took her arm down from where it covered her breasts, admiring her.

"You don't have to Cissy. Why don't you go to your parents' if you don't want to be alone?"

"I want to come," she repeated. "I'll go upstairs like I used to, unless you want me to sit with you."

"It's not that kind of meeting. We'll just be in the kitchen most likely, the Dark Lord and Severus and I, maybe Rodolphus or Nathan."

"Then I'll go upstairs and rest, or go out in the garden. Please don't make me argue the point."

He smiled up at her; of course he wanted her there, he wanted her everywhere always.

"Get going then," he replied, playful slapping her thigh. "We need to leave right away."

* * *

They Apparated just down the lonely country lane from Bellatrix's house, and hurried along arm in arm. Neither were dressed to their usual standard, and Narcissa knew she must look a sight, tired eyes and uncombed hair, but the most important thing had been making time, and they were going to be among those who had seen them in every state imaginable. Indeed, the first person they saw when they opened the front door was Severus, waiting at the bottom of the stairs like a child waiting for his father to come home from work. When he saw them, he clamored straight to his feet.

"You're very late, you know," he said to Lucius, and then turned to Narcissa. "Hello. What a surprise to see you here."

She smiled at him as best she could, and returned the greeting, but Lucius squeezed her around the waist as soon as she did and urged her to go upstairs.

"I'll come get you when we're done," he whispered, and placed a kiss on her forehead.

Narcissa went to the guest room she had cleaned with Dobby all those years ago, and found it again in disarray. There were boxes stacked nearly to the ceiling in every corner, and Bellatrix seemed to be using the bed as a wardrobe, as it was covered with robes in unorganized piles. The whole scene made her skin itch, and she wanted badly to put it to rights again, but instead she just shoved the clothes away to make a place to lie down. Lying there, she listened to voices below her, trying to pick out those that were familiar from those that weren't. Lucius and Severus were easy to distinguish, and of course the Dark Lord. She thought she heard Rodolphus, and maybe even Cecily, but she couldn't be sure.

Narcissa wasn't tired anymore; she felt she had done nothing but rest for days, and even though that rest had been more than earned she felt lazy. However, just as she was about to get up again and start to organize things, the bedroom door swung open with a bang. Bellatrix was standing there staring at her, and for once she looked very human, and upset.

"Cissy," she said in a low voice, walking to the bed, "I've just…Lucius was explaining where he's been, and when I heard…" Bellatrix appeared at a loss, and this touched Narcissa.

"Well, it's not good, is it?" she said as she sat up. Bella held out her arms, and the two embraced as they hadn't in a long time.

"No, it isn't. Are you alright? Physically I mean?"

"Will you lie down with me, Bella? And I'll explain."

The sisters shoved the robes even farther over on the bed, and Bellatrix joined Narcissa, both sitting up against the headboard. Narcissa explained what they had been told at St. Mungo's, and Bellatrix stayed quiet, even her breathing subdued. At the point when Narcissa stumbled over the word "can't", Bellatrix reached out and took her hand, and Narcissa leaned her head on her sister's shoulder.

"But you're going to keep trying?" Bellatrix asked at the end of the story.

"I can't imagine anything else. I suppose we'll go see the specialist soon. But I hate the idea of needing help, like we can't do it ourselves."

"There's no shame in it, Narcissa. And I believe you'll have your little Malfoy brat soon enough."

"Do you?"

"Yes. I can't imagine you or Lucius not getting something you wanted. There would be hell to pay. The world would end."

Narcissa couldn't help but smile at that.

"I suppose you're right. We make a powerful pair."

Bellatrix's curls tickled Narcissa's face as they sat in silence, and she couldn't help but remember how, many years before, she and Andromeda and Bellatrix would all pile into one of their beds and giggle over issues of _Witch Weekly_ stolen from their mother's bedside table. It wasn't exactly a raunchy publication, but there were a good deal of articles about how to charm a wizard, and the girls loved to read them critically, as if they would ever need the tips in a life when everything, including marriage, was planned for them.

"Bella?"

"Yes?"

"Do you know that Andromeda has a child now?"

"Of course I do. It was in the paper."

"We never talked about it."

"What is there to say? She married a Mudblood and had his baby. I try not to think about it."

Narcissa thought this a bit of a lie, since Bellatrix clearly thought enough of them to plot their murders, but didn't bring up that point, as she wasn't meant to know a thing about it.

"Nymphadora is a pretty name, don't you think? Traditional," she said instead.

"I suppose she was trying to hold onto some part of her past. Worthless effort really, as if the people from her past want anything to do with her. Why do you bring it up, anyway?"

"It's just…" Narcissa was blinking back tears. "Why does she get to be happy, and have it all? I did everything right, everything I was supposed to, and it's still…"

"Shhh, Cissy, don't cry. She doesn't have anything you don't have, really, because everything she has has been tainted by his filthy blood."

"But don't you ever miss her?"

"No," Bellatrix replied, without one second of hesitation. "And you shouldn't either."

"No, you're right. Of course you're right, I'm just all mixed up right now."

"It's understandable." But there was hard edge on Bellatrix's voice; she clearly didn't understand at all.

A soft knock came at the door, and Narcissa was relieved when Lucius peeked in through the crack Bellatrix had left there.

"I'm done, Cissy, if you want to go," he said, voice lowered as if he was in a library, or museum.

"Yes, I think we should." She hoped he wouldn't be able to tell that she had been crying again, even though she knew he would understand or even encourage it.

Bellatrix released Narcissa's hand and stood up, and Narcissa was glad for that too; the pose had grown stiff as soon as she had said Andromeda's name.

"Take care of her, Lucius," Bellatrix said on her way out, and it really sounded like a threat. "I love you, Cissy."

"Love you too."

With Bellatrix gone, Lucius shut the door completely behind him. Narcissa was sitting up with her legs over the edge of the bed, and he came to sit next to her.

"Doing ok?"

"Yes."

"Was it good to see Bella?"

"Good and bad."

"So like always."

"Yes. What now?"

"Do you still want to go to the Manor?"

Narcissa glanced out the window; by all appearances, the weather had made a turn for the better.

"Alright then. You're sure you're all done here?"

Lucius nodded, and offered his hand, which she took as she had so many times before.

"I think the sun is coming out," she said as they got up.

"Yes, I think so."

Downstairs, just as they were about to go out the front door, Narcissa spied Severus sitting alone in one of the front rooms.

"Will you wait outside a moment?" she asked Lucius. "I want to talk to Severus."

The room was dim, a combination of ragged curtains blocking the light and a thin layer of grime covering every surface, including the windows. Severus was ensconced in a black armchair reading, but he jumped straight up when she came in, a cloud of dust coming from the cushions as he did.

"Lucius told us," he blurted out before she could speak, "and I felt so awful for you, Narcissa. Are you alright?"

"I'm going to live another day, Severus, and I've been told many times over not to give up hope."

"No, you shouldn't. I've read a lot in my studies about similar cases and it seems with the right combinations of potions a lot of good can be done, and there are a lot of circumstances where –"

"Are you nervous, Severus?" she asked, almost ready to laugh. "I thought we cured you of that."

He took a deep breath and sighed, and when he spoke again his pacing was more measured.

"I just wanted you to be happy, and have what you want. I was upset to hear the news."

"Shall we hug then?"

"If you don't mind," he replied with a twisted little smile.

They embraced, and to Narcissa it felt better than all the comfort Bellatrix had offered.

"How is your mother, then?" she asked as they separated.

"No better or worse. She just sort of haunts the house, and I can't ever get much conversation out of her."

"I'm sure she's glad for your presence, Sev. Don't be discouraged. And don't be a stranger to us if you ever need anything."

"I'll try not to be."

Narcissa reached out and squeezed his hand, and with an encouraging smile she left him.

Lucius was waiting on the stoop with his hands in his pockets. She tucked her arm into the crook of his, and they began to walk.

"You're smiling," he noted.

"It was nice to see Severus. I miss him being with us."

"I think he's very worried about you. You should have seen the look on his face when I told them the news. I was worried he might faint."

"Yes, he seemed very nervous, like the boy we took in, not the man who left us. But I like that about him; he's sensitive."

"Mmm, I keep hoping someday he'll outgrow it. He's really very talented you know; he could be powerful in his own right if he ever wanted. Especially if he would stop pining over that Mudblood."

"Is he still on about her?"

"Well of course he doesn't talk about it, but I can tell. There was a picture of her and that Potter boy in the Social section of the paper last week, and I saw him staring at it from the corner of my eye. He looked close to tears. That's a waste of good blood too, James Potter marrying a Mudblood," he mused. "Although his family has always been soft."

"None of our concern, I suppose. Let's talk about someone we can match Severus with."

And they did, laughing and walking much farther than they needed to in order to Apparate away.

* * *

The arrived right at the Manor's gates, which Lucius opened by pressing the palm of his hand against the lock. Narcissa always loved watching him do this; it was a small reminder that this was all theirs, and that someday they would make a home of it together.

"I don't know if my parents are here," he warned as they walked around the side of the house to get to the gardens. "But why don't you just let me handle them? There's no reason for you to have to debate with my mother right now."

He said it like that because there did always seem to be some debate when his mother was involved. She and Narcissa had never exactly clicked, and every conversation they ever had was fraught with cloaked insults and unbelievably sappy smiles. It had prevented the young Malfoys from going to any holiday at the Manor, choosing instead to spend them with the Blacks and then send Lucius over to his parents alone.

As their streak of bad luck would have it, Sigrid was on the back terrace drinking tea in a hot pink dressing gown. She jumped to her feet when she saw them, and leaned over the railing to call down.

"Were we expecting you?" she asked. "I take it not, judging by the state of you two. You know Narcissa dear, I've just gotten a wonderful new concealer that would probably do the trick for those dark circles, if you'd like to come in and see it."

Narcissa pressed her lips together hard and tried to smile, squeezing Lucius's hand very hard.

"Why don't you go wait for me down by the pond, lovely?" he said in response. "Mother, I'll come up and talk to you if you have a moment."

"Nothing but moments for my little boy," she assured in a voice that made Narcissa gag.

"Go on then, Cissy," he urged. "I'll be along."

So she drifted away from him, wishing that she could hear the conversation that was about to begin without having to actually be present for scrutiny.

On the terrace, Lucius accepted a teacup and a seat, and fixed his mother with a serious look.

"We – Narcissa and I – have had a bit of bad news," he began.

"What is it, dear?"

He sighed and threw back almost the whole cup of tea in one gulp, wishing deeply it was mixed with something stronger.

"Narcissa was pregnant, but she isn't anymore."

"What do you mean?"

"I mean she had a miscarriage a few days ago."

"Terrible," Sigrid mused, not sounding like she thought it was terrible at all.

"Yes, and I'd appreciate it if you don't mention it with her. It may be an uphill battle for us to have children, and I don't want her upset over it unnecessarily."

"When would I mention it? We never see the girl."

"You never see her because you can't be civil with her."

Mrs. Malfoy huffed and looked away for a moment, but when she turned back there was a slight mania in her eye.

"You do know this means you can divorce her, don't you? The courts accept things like this as grounds for –"

But Lucius had jumped up, teacup thrown aside to where it landed with a crash on the cobbled ground.

"You know I'll do no such thing, Mother. You know it, and yet you keep urging for some reason that is completely incomprehensible to me. Narcissa is a good wife and she has good blood and I love her. Please tell Father what I've told you. Good day."

And he stormed off to where Narcissa was only a dot in the distance.

When he got even with her (quickly, given his anger and long legs), Narcissa smiled at him serenely.

"Nice chat?" she asked, voice tinted with humor.

"You can only imagine. You look different."

"I've made a decision."

"Since I last saw you?"

"Yes, since then."

They had been walking side by side, but she stopped then and wrapped him in a hug, and his heart rate began to slow at the touch.

"Tell me what you've decided," he said, putting his hands on her shoulders and looking down to her.

"I think we should move to the Manor. It's time to leave that newlywed life behind."

That came as a shock to him, given everything they had just gone through, couple with the greeting they had received only minutes before.

"Did you miss the harpy who greeted us?" he asked.

"No, I saw her. But she'll have to be nice about it, won't she? This is your birthright."

"I don't know if she'll be _nice_ exactly, but they'll allow it, of course."

"Then I want to do it. I'm a brave girl, Lucius. I can handle your mother."

"Anything you like," he agreed, still dazed.

* * *

 **Sorry for the long update time guys. I've had this 75% done for days, but something about it just didn't feel quite right - it's still not my favorite chapter I've ever done, but I think it gets the job done :) Hopefully I'll run into some more inspiration soon. Love y'all for sticking with the story xoxo**


	14. With and Without

"How do I look?" she asked Lucius, adjusting her hat in the mirror. Outside, the November wind was howling; Narcissa added another hatpin.

"Perfect, as always. But you know we don't need to impress this man with our looks, lovely."

Narcissa turned to face him, and reached up to fiddle a bit with his collar.

"I'm nervous," she whispered.

"I know," he whispered back.

They were standing in the entryway of the Manor, having moved in only a few days before. It had been a smooth transition, since of course Dobby and the elves of Malfoy Manor did most of the packing, and since they had left the townhouse mostly furnished so they would have a place in London if it was ever needed. The couple had a few rooms tucked away in a wing far from Lucius's parents, although his mother usually insisted that they eat dinner together, and had a nasty habit of showing up when the two were trying to have a moment alone on the couch or in the garden. But now they were headed out for the day, back to London to meet with Healer Anders, the man who was supposedly able to work miracles and help couples just like them.

"Perfect," Lucius said again to Narcissa, who had turned back to hat adjustments. He took her by the elbow and pulled her to the door. "It would be worse to be late than anything," he reminded her.

She cast one more quick glance behind her, catching only a fragment of her face in the mirror.

* * *

The Healer's office was in a well-appointed building in Diagon Alley, placed just above a bakery so the whole space was flooded with the smell of warm pastries. The receptionist took their cloaks and Narcissa's perfectly situated hat and assured them the wait would be short. The whole time they sat in the empty waiting room, Narcissa clutched Lucius's hand and willed herself not to vomit at the smell of fresh bread as her stomach turned over and over again.

"Remember, darling," Lucius whispered against her cheek as he leaned over for another kiss of reassurance, "you haven't done anything wrong."

Finally they were called into the Healer's office, where he shook their hands and urged them to call him Saul. He was must have been older than their parents and possessed an air of distinct wisdom. Narcissa, noting his thick gray hair and impeccably pressed robes, had the fleeting thought that he was handsome, and this only made her more nervous.

"I know of both your families," he said as they settled in with him behind his desk and them in stiff chairs across from him. "Two very big names in the Wizarding world."

"I wish I could say the same to you," Lucius replied, "but I have to say I'm not familiar with your last name."

Healer Anders waved his hand and smiled, shuffling some parchment around on the wide expanse of shiny wood before him.

"Muggle-born. Son of a doctor, though, so it seems that some things are passed on no matter what."

Narcissa barely heard him through the buzzing in her own head, but Lucius's hold on her stiffened and the smile on his face froze into an unnatural, tight smirk.

"But enough about me," he went on, either not noticing or very politely ignoring Lucius's look. "We're here to help the two of you."

As he started to lay out charts and graphs and diagrams, and explain more and more what he thought the problem they were facing was, Narcissa relaxed. He clearly was the most suited for the job, and he clearly had helped a good deal of people before them. His mannerisms assured her that everything could be ok, if only they did exactly what he specified. Lucius however, still had her hand in a vice grip, and didn't answer one question that was posed to them. She glanced to him at one point and saw that his jaw was set and that he was only staring at one spot on Healer Anders's desk. Finally Narcissa had to wrench her hand away from Lucius to sign a form, and then she had to jab him with her elbow to get him to reach out and sign it as well. That done, the Healer announced that it was time for him to perform a physical exam on Narcissa, and told Lucius he could wait outside if he preferred.

"I will stay with my wife," he said coolly, and to his credit Healer Anders simply nodded agreement and left them while Narcissa changed into a hospital gown.

"I don't want him touching you," Lucius snapped as soon as the other man was gone. Narcissa, who had been too preoccupied to be sure why Lucius was acting out, kept removing her stockings.

"Why not?"

"Didn't you hear him Narcissa? He's a Mudblood; we shouldn't even be here at all. There must be someone else we can see, there has to be."

Narcissa had made it to the buttons on her skirt, and as she worked methodically down the line she gave her husband a hard look.

"What part of "extremely rare condition" didn't you understand, Lucius? Weren't you listening? He's the only one who knows how to fix this. And if you would stop fuming for just a moment you might remember that Muggles are much more likely to have this exact problem – that's probably how he learned to get results."

"It's not right. We should just leave now."

"I am not going to fight with you here, Lucius Malfoy, and I have to say that I'm shocked at how you're behaving. After all we've been through, I really didn't think it would be _you_ who would try to get between me and my dream."

"Cissy –"

"Leave if you want, Lucius, but I'm going to stay right here and let this perfectly qualified man examine me and tell me how I can have a child, with or without you."

Narcissa, down to her underwear, stood before him defiant and beautiful, and the word _without_ struck Lucius like a physical blow. She stripped to nothing without a hint of shyness, and put on her gown and sat down on the examining table, face flushed but eyes dry.

"I'm sorry," he whispered, and scooted his chair next to sit next to her. "You're right, Cissy, you're right."

"I know I am," she said, but she let him take her hand as a knock came at the door.

* * *

They left an hour later with a small black box full of many different vials of potions and a stack of parchment as thick as a magazine with instructions for who should take each potion and when. They set up a standing appointment once a month with Healer Anders, and Narcissa promised to keep a calendar of her cycle and when they had sex. Lucius had once again gone silent during that conversation, staring out the window at the owls departing from and returning to the nearby post office.

"You mustn't tell anyone about this, you know, except maybe your mother if she pries," he couldn't help but remind her as they selected a restaurant for a late lunch. "We really shouldn't be seeing a Mudblood Healer. I could be in a great deal of trouble."

"Who would I tell, Lucius?" she said icily. "I barely have any friends left anyway. It can be our dirty little secret, if you insist."

At the restaurant they were given the best table ahead of several people who had been waiting, and nervous servers scurried around them, making sure everything was perfect. The Malfoys barely noticed the treatment, but to the rest of the patrons it was painfully obvious. Lucius was well known at the Ministry, but this was beyond that. This was caused by rumors of how he spent his free time and with whom, and of how little it might take to upset him. The Malfoys ate in somewhat bitter silence, completely unaware that there were others seated all around them whose problems were much, much worse than theirs.

At the Manor, Narcissa insisted immediately that she needed to lie down, thrusting her cloak and hat into Lucius's hands, which were already full with the box of potions and his cane. After pawning these things off on an elf, he followed her, aware that he needed to say something but unsure of what it could be. Far off he could hear his mother's voice, and he sped up to avoid meeting her in the halls.

"Cissy, please talk to me," he implored, following her into the bedroom. She was already under the covers, clothes and shoes strewn across the floor – clearly she had been walking and getting undressed at the same time.

"Regarding?" she asked into her pillow.

"Don't be cruel."

"What a funny thing for _you_ to say."

"Narcissa, you must know how hard it is for me to bend my morals this far. I would never normally associate with a man like him, much less let him know everything about the most intimate parts of our life."

"Nothing matters more than this. When we have our baby here in this bed with us, you can kill the man for all I care. If someone questions you over it just say you're using him for something or another, that he's a pawn in the quest for pureblood superiority. Tell them anything, or tell them nothing, it doesn't matter to me. All that I care about it going back to him once a month, every month, until I am pregnant."

"By me?" Lucius asked meekly. He was sitting on the edge of the bed, hand hovering just above her shoulder, afraid to touch.

Narcissa rolled over and looked at him as if he were the dumbest man alive.

"Did you really think I meant that, Lucius?"

"How could I know? You seemed so serious."

"Unfortunately, there is not another man on this Earth with whom I would chose to have a child over you."

Lucius could have cried, but he restrained himself and instead pulled back the covers to slide in next to his wife.

"You had me worried," he said, tracing his fingers all across her pale skin. She shivered as he brushed over her collarbone.

"That was the point."

Her eyes closed as he fussed with the fastenings of her undergarments.

"Cissy?"

"Hmm?"

"I don't want to get out of bed and go get that damn box right now."

"Then don't," she said, wrapping her arms around him tight. "There will be plenty of time for all that tomorrow."

And in no time at all, they had forgotten about the fight.

* * *

 **I know this is long overdue, and I wish I had a good excuse but it really just comes down to lack of inspiration and desire to write. I also know this chapter is short, but I like the way it came out! Soon it'll be Christmas at the Manor... xoxo**


	15. Fog & Flight

**Hello, it's me! I hate how long I've been away, and there's a little explanation at the end of the chapter. In the meantime, enjoy!**

* * *

Lucius and Narcissa devoted themselves fully to the instructions they had been given, and Narcissa made careful, patient marks on a calendar every day. It was tedious work – because it did feel like _work_ by then, not like sex or making love or anything else they might once have called it – and a month passed to no avail. Suddenly it was nearly Christmas, nothing changed but the temperature outside.

Two weeks before Christmas found the couple decorating the tree together while Sigrid looked on, sipping her tea. Lucius stood on a ladder and hung the ornaments Narcissa passed up to him, and then without fail his mother would instruct him to move it a quarter of an inch one way or another. Narcissa, who had gotten her period that morning, felt like smashing the whole lot of ornaments on the parquet floor, but instead remarked in a very terse tone that if Lucius didn't have to move each ornament when he placed it, they would all end up in the same place relative to one another.

"Lucius doesn't mind, do you sweetheart?" Sigrid asked.

"No, Mother, I don't mind." But one tight-lipped smile down to Narcissa showed otherwise.

"Do we really have to spend Christmas here?" Narcissa pleaded when Sigrid left the room for a moment.

"Christmas _morning_ ," he reminded her. "You know perfectly well we're going to your parents' for dinner. What would you have us do, wake up and run straight out the door?"

Narcissa sighed and stared deep into the beaded eyes of the little woolen sheep ornament she had in hand. It only looked back, unfazed.

* * *

The Malfoys, whom Lucius and Narcissa had not spent Christmas morning with before, took the festivities very slowly. It was nearly lunchtime by the time the majority of the presents had been opened, and everything kept getting interrupted by more trays of food coming from the kitchen. Narcissa hadn't had an appetite all day, even as coffee cake, scones, oranges peeled to look like flowers, and dozens of other things passed under her nose. This was clearly delighting Sigrid, who couldn't stop herself from making little remarks at each "No, thank you" from Narcissa.

"Narcissa dear," she said very loudly when her daughter in law passed over the strata, "I think you would find it easier to conceive if you weighed just a tad more. As it is, the wind could take you away."

A sort of white fog blew in front of Narcissa's eyes, and for a moment she couldn't remember who or where she was. But then there was a clatter of silver on hardwood, and a shout of pain. Narcissa sank to her knees, lightheaded, and her vision only returned when she felt strong arms wrap around her from behind. Lucius pulled her down to sit fully, and she blinked several times, anger simmering down. The first thing she saw was a tray on the floor and the mess from the shattered dish of strata. The next thing was Abraxas standing at Sigrid's side, holding his wand to her temple and sealing up the gash the tray had left when Narcissa had apparently thrown it.

"Are you alright?" Lucius whispered to her. Narcissa was breathing heavily, eyes darting all around.

"I don't know," she responded, struggling to stand against his grip.

"Let's just rest a moment," he said into her neck. "There's no hurry."

Indeed, Sigrid was standing already with Abraxas's help, and she scowled down at them.

"She's not alright, Lucius, that's very clear. You've married a maniac who can't give you an heir."

At that Narcissa began to struggle again, but Lucius kept his hold strong.

"Let's get you to bed," Abraxas said, steering his wife towards the hall. "You should lie down."

Sigrid went along, although she kept her head turned back to glare at Narcissa, who glared right back. When the door slammed shut behind them, Lucius finally released Narcissa, although he didn't stand. Instead he relaxed back to rest on his elbows, and she fell naturally to lay on his chest.

"What happened?" he asked, bringing one hand up to run through her hair.

"You know better than I do. You actually saw it."

"What do you mean?"

"I mean that I got so angry that I couldn't see or think or anything. I lost myself."

Lucius considered this a moment, lying down fully and putting his arms around her again.

"I'm sorry, Lucius," Narcissa whispered, tears rolling down into her hairline.

"It doesn't matter, Cissy."

"It does, it does. I'm ruining everything."

"That'll be enough of that, now. I won't hear such things from you. Shall we finish opening our gifts, just you and I? There's a tiny little box under the tree with your name on it that I _do_ hope you'll find interesting."

Narcissa stayed quiet a moment, sniffling back tears. Then she nodded, and Lucius rocked forward to sit them up.

* * *

They didn't see either of Lucius's parents for the rest of the morning, and ended up spending the night at the Blacks's after the Christmas party. On their hungover return to the Manor, something seemed amiss. The air was very still, and it didn't feel like Boxing Day at all. They unpacked their overnight bags in a haze, and then fell into bed without ceremony, sleeping until the sun had gone down.

It was Narcissa who nudged Lucius awake, vial of potion in hand.

"Drink this, honey," she murmured, voice cracking with dehydration. "We forgot that today is a must."

That was her little code, adapted out of embarrassment of saying the world "ovulating" aloud. While he slept she had already prepared herself, taking her doses and washing her face of leftover makeup, hoping to look halfway attractive.

Lucius groaned almost imperceptibly, but swigged back the bitter liquid.

"I'm sorry," she whispered, all the while stripping away her clothes. She put her lips on his neck and began to let her hands roam downwards. "I know you hate this schedule, but you can just relax and let me –"

"Stop blaming yourself," he said. Lucius put his hands in her hair and pulled her up to look at him. "Look at me, lying here like an ingrate while a beautiful woman throws herself at me. What a fool I am."

But Narcissa barely heard him over the ticking clock in her mind, counting down minutes until the potion lost effectiveness.

* * *

A very sharp knock at the bedroom door woke them the next morning, and Lucius scrambled into his dressing gown to answer it while Narcissa pulled the covers around herself and turned away from the door. She could hear it was Abraxas, but the men kept their voices low enough so she couldn't tell what they were saying.

The door shut and she expected Lucius to return to bed. Instead, he put a firm hand on her shoulder and rolled her to face him.

"He wants us to come speak with him," Lucius told her, and one look at her face made it clear it wasn't optional.

Soon the little group was assembled around the dining room table, a very formal position for three people who wearing clothes only slightly nicer than pajamas. Narcissa's eyes were barely open, and she wasn't curious at all about what had brought them together. She felt so far past a point of controlling things; all she could do was sit where she was told.

Abraxas was sitting at the head of the table, Lucius and Narcissa to his left.

"Is Mother coming?" Lucius asked, and his father shook his head.

"No, not today. That's why we're here, really."

Narcissa took a deep, shaking breath. Sigrid had been hurt. She was dying. It was her fault. She felt Lucius put his hand on her arm, but she couldn't look at him.

"An end to the mystery would be appreciated, Father."

"You're right; I apologize. Your mother wants me to tell you that she and I have made a decision. She wants to return to Sweden, and I think she's right. We're going to leave you two to run the Manor. That's how it should be – the estate is for you, and your family."

Somehow, despite the underwhelming news, the tension in the room didn't dissipate. Lucius's hand stayed on Narcissa's arm, and she felt, if anything, worse.

" _Back_ to Sweden?" Lucius asked with incredulity. "They moved here before she could speak. She doesn't have so much as an accent."

"Be that as it may, you know she's always felt a tie to her heritage, and with her brother dying last year, the family home is empty, and –"

"Father, do not try to tell me this decision has come now simply from _nostalgia_. You're insulting us."

Abraxas sighed heavily, and leaned forward to them, elbows planted on the table.

"Lucius, do you _really_ care more about why she goes than the simple fact that she is going?" Abraxas nodded very slightly towards Narcissa, who hadn't moved, eyes fixed at a point on the wall ahead of her, hands clasped on the table. Lucius glanced to her, and then back at his father, who looked more earnest than he had in years.

"No, I suppose not," he replied, posture finally relaxing. "You're right, Father. As long as she's happy, that you're both happy, really."

"Oh, I don't know if 'happy' is really the word for it, but maybe someday we'll reach that point."

"Yes, maybe."

The men smiled at one another in understanding and quiet hope, and there was a moment where Lucius saw the future laid out more clearly than he had in years. Narcissa would be free, and happy, and they would move on from petty daily battles with his mother. It really wouldn't even matter if they had a child, not as long as his wife started to smile again.

"I should go," Narcissa said suddenly, and then she stood as if in a trance or under the Imperius Curse.

"Where are you going, love?" Lucius asked. He reached out to run his thumb across the back of her hand, still dreaming of tomorrow, unaware that anything could be wrong in that moment.

"I mean I should leave the Manor. That will be easier for everyone."

He came back to himself quickly then, and forced his hand into hers, holding tight.

"Well, I suppose if that's what you really want we can go back to Lon–" he started to say, scrambling to understand.

"No, Lucius," she said, finally looking down at him. There was nothing behind her eyes, he noticed with a start. "I mean I'll go, alone, back to my parents."

And before Lucius, shocked to his core, could respond, she wandered away.

* * *

There was, of course, that moment of stillness that comes after a crash. Lucius stood up and stared at his father, and Abraxas stared back, mouth open.

"What did she say?" Lucius asked, sure he had misheard.

"You need to go find out," Abraxas responded.

And then Lucius was running through the halls, only able to hope, to guess, that she had gone back to their bedroom to lie down. Surely she wasn't really _going_ somewhere. She must be ill, or confused by what his father had told them. It was a lot to take in, especially after the holiday. He couldn't blame her for that.

He threw open the doors to their private rooms, still hoping it had all been a dream or misunderstanding, to find Narcissa standing next to the sitting room fireplace, struggling with the jar of Floo powder. She was still in her same clothes – a dress he had never seen her wear outside the house and a long sweater – and had only her wand in hand.

"Will you open this?" she asked, offering it to him. Her voice was choked.

"What? No, of course I won't. Narcissa, what on earth is the matter? Sit down with me." Lucius inched toward her, arms open. She only clutched the jar to her chest, as if afraid he would take it from her.

"Lucius, all you would be doing by opening this is saving me the humiliation of having to walk through the whole house to the front door so that I could go out and Apparate away. I'm going no matter what."

His heart was breaking, he was sure of that. He had felt it before, at St. Mungo's, but memory must have stifled how bad the pain really was. Tears began to prickle at his eyes, and he could barely see her offer the jar again.

"Please," she said, almost too softly to hear. "I just need to think."

He took the jar from her because he didn't know what else to do, and the lid came off easily in his hand. Lucius offered it to her, and without a word she took a handful powder. Instinctively, he leaned down to kiss her, but he was too slow, and all there was to lean into was a green puff of ash.

* * *

When Narcissa stumbled onto her familial hearth, she was surprised to hear a great deal of commotion. Eyes still blurry, she took one step forward and was immediately engulfed in a hug.

"Darling, how did you know to come?" Druella asked. Narcissa blinked soot from her eyes and looked around over her mother's shoulder – Bellatrix and her father were standing over Walburga and Orion, who were holding onto one another for dear life on the couch. "I didn't think anyone had time to send an owl yet."

"What?" she croaked, voice hoarse. "What do you mean?"

Druella pushed her daughter to arm's length and regarded her. Narcissa wouldn't meet her eye, but knew immediately that no amount of shying away could shield her from maternal instinct.

"You've come for your own reason, haven't you?"

Narcissa nodded slowly.

"But what's wrong here?" she asked, chancing another look to her extend family.

Druella gathered Narcissa back into a hug.

"It's Regulus," she whispered. "He's gone."

* * *

 **Don't worry too much about our protagonists - you know they can't stay apart forever. And don't worry too much about an update, because I actually have most of the next chapter written already.**

 **So I have been so AWOL and I feel terrible about it! I've thought about updating every day since I last did, but I actually got a new job since then and it's been hard to make time/stay creative. I really haven't written anything in the past few months, which is crazy for me and I hate it. I'm working really hard to get my creativity back and the last thing I want to do is abandon this story because I really do love it and it is important to me. Hopefully I can get back on a roll (like I said the next chapter is almost done so I'm doing well!) and keep things interesting for you guys. Thanks for sticking with it even after almost three months. xoxo**

 **Oh, by the way "strata" is a kind of egg dish, like a sort of breakfast casserole or frittata. I'd never heard of it until fairly recently so I thought maybe y'all hadn't either!**


	16. Night So Long

**Hahahahaha remember last year when I said I would update this "soon"? Sorry guys, unfortunately I'm never going to promise you anything again. Updates will happen when they happen, as fic has sort of moved to the back of my mind. Not that I don't still love it, because I do :) Enjoy**

* * *

 _Cissy,_

 _What just happened? Please come home and explain things – I'll change, if you want me to._

 _Love,_

 _Lucius_

* * *

 _Lucius,_

 _It's nothing you've done, or can change. I'm sorry._

 _Narcissa_

* * *

Regulus had sent a note home on Christmas Eve saying he couldn't come to any festivities, and while the family had been disappointed at the news, everyone understood. Bellatrix and Lucius were both frequently away for the Dark Lord, and it was a fact of life that their loved ones had come to bear. But Bellatrix and Lucius always came back quickly, rarely spending even a night away, and after two days went by, Regulus's parents began to worry. They sent Bellatrix to the Dark Lord for answers, and he told her that he hadn't sent Regulus anywhere in weeks. This was the news the family was dealing with the day Narcissa arrived, and for many days afterwards. The house entered a dreamlike state, and each and every person was asking themselves the same question again and again – when do you presume someone dead?

As soon as she was asked, Narcissa began to lie about where Lucius was, and as soon as she began, her ruse started to fall apart. She told everyone that she simply wanted to be with them, and that Lucius was busy anyway.

"He won't be around at all, I'm afraid," she had told her mother and Bellatrix over coffee the day she arrived. "Absolutely snowed in with work."

Lucius promptly ruined that lie by showing up the next day, assuming Narcissa would have cooled off and also that she would want to see him in the wake of tragedy. But he was met at the door by a confused Druella, who took him to the sitting room to wait while she went to fetch her daughter. Narcissa absorbed the news of his arrival with terror in her eyes, and drew her mother close.

"Mummy, you have to send him away," she said, mortified. "And please don't ask me to explain – just do it."

So Druella did, bearing the bad news as nobly as she could and trying not to flinch at the hurt Lucius couldn't hide.

"Very well then," he had said, clearing his throat before he could speak. "Until another day."

And he kissed his mother-in-law's hand, tucked his cane under his arm, and left.

* * *

 _My lovely Narcissa,_

 _Your mother sent me away yesterday, and judging by the look on her face she knows as much as I do. Have you explained your flight to anyone? Will you let someone – Bellatrix, Cecily, Severus, anyone – in? I'm frightened for you._

 _Mother and Father are leaving soon. The house elves are working overtime to get things packed, and then the house will be empty. I'm ready to start all over if that's what you want. I know you think the décor is dated, and it is, so we can start changing things straight away. Won't it be nice to have free reign?_

 _The Healer sent a note reminding us that our next appointment is in just a few weeks. I've enclosed your potions so that you won't get off schedule, and you can rest assured that I'm being very diligent about my doses in your absence._

 _I'm not one to beg, Narcissa, but please, please let me see you soon._

 _Love always,_

 _Lucius_

* * *

The stack of letters grew on Narcissa's vanity every day, and only those with pressing questions ( _Where did you put Mother's tea tray? She won't go without it_ or _How shall I RSVP to the Minister's dinner party?_ ) received terse answers. Some simply took a false positive tone and were filled with news of work and the Manor and the Dark Lord, and some were pathetic ramblings, begging for an explanation. The only consistency was the pace – Lucius never missed a day.

Bellatrix came to her a week later, bursting into the room without so much as a knock. Narcissa was sitting in bed, wrapped in the comforter.

"What are you doing, Cissy?"

"Resting."

"Sitting up?"

Narcissa turned to her sister. There were deep circles under her eyes and she looked like she was trying desperately not to cry.

"Just resting, that's all. And I think I have the right to do without being interrogated."

"Why not rest at home?"

Bellatrix was prying and she knew it, but after seeing Lucius alone at their meeting the night before, his face red and swollen, she couldn't stay out of it any longer.

"This is my home."

"But you have another, much grander than this, with a man inside it who misses you."

Narcissa scowled at her sister.

"Don't fuss at me. You don't know what you're talking about."

"I know that I saw Lucius last night, looking absolutely horrid, and I know that he wouldn't look me in the eyes the entire time. Why is that?"

"You know why, don't you? You've come here to taunt me."

"Narcissa, I don't know a thing. I know that you were upset at Christmas dinner and then you showed up here two days later, playing as if it was on purpose because Regulus was gone. And now I know that your husband clearly wants you with him, and that you clearly won't go."

"We're both upset about Regulus, and I want to be here with you but he can't be. He's busy. That's it."

Bellatrix stared at her sister how she had when they were little and she knew Narcissa was keeping a secret. Back then Narcissa had been soft and easily frightened, and it had always worked. Now Bellatrix could barely see that little girl in her sister's gaze, and Narcissa didn't so much as blink.

"I'm going to figure this out," Bellatrix finally said, voice coated with steel. "You and Lucius are meant for one another, and I won't let it fall to pieces because you're being silly."

"Fine," Narcissa said haughtily. "See if you can."

* * *

Narcissa didn't know what she was doing, really, and she spent most of her days distracting herself some way or another. If she wasn't reading or listening to the radio she was in the kitchen making messes of such size that even her father, usually callous to a fault, begged her to take pity on the elves. She brushed away any thought of Lucius the moment it came to her, and had shoved the potions he sent deep into the cupboard below her bathroom sink. Occasionally her mother, in a falsely cheerful tone but with worry behind her eyes, would ask after him.

"He's fine," Narcissa always said. "Busy, but fine."

And then the conversation would be over.

Three weeks passed before the family decided, with many tears from Walburga, that they needed to have some sort of service for Regulus. Watching his parents choose, without their other son, whether or not he had lived or died put a pit in Narcissa's stomach that couldn't be filled.

The day for their little gathering came on an ugly morning, dark with rain that seemed to come from every direction. Few people outside of those who had already been haunting the house for weeks were invited, and it came as a surprise when the door knocker sounded out loud in the entryway. Narcissa went to answer, numb to any feeling other than natural reaction to the sound.

It was Lucius at the door, completely haggard and wet with the day's mist. Their eyes met only briefly, mirroring the pain they both felt, before Narcissa jerked her head down to stare at her feet.

"Please," he whispered, voice choked as if he hadn't spoken since he had last seen her, "please let me hold you, Narcissa."

Her heart turned soft for a moment, a feeling she had forgotten, and then the sensitivity dulled again.

"We shouldn't," she muttered to the ground, and he drifted inside, life gone again.

* * *

The whole day was awful and gray, long periods of silence punctuated by Walburga's cries. Sirius was notably absent and for the first time in years, Narcissa missed him. Lucius sat stiffly in a wooden kitchen chair in the corner, wishing he could fulfil his duty of comforting his wife. Narcissa wouldn't look at him.

Eventually, it became too much for her, and she slipped away into her father's empty study. None of the lamps were lit and she left it that way, the pressure of darkness keeping her safe. She settled in to the chair she and Lucius had once shared, many years ago, and stared into black nothing.

But it didn't last long, as the door cracked open after not five minutes, spilling light in with it.

"Lucius, I don't –"

"Narcissa," he began, and she was shocked to hear that he was properly crying, the way he had cried in the hospital after her miscarriage. "Why are you doing this to me? What did I do? Tell me what I did, and I'll change. I'll do anything."

"I told you before, it wasn't anything you did."

He had shut the door behind him and come to kneel at her feet.

"I can't sleep," he said, burying his head in her lap without her permission. Instinctively she placed her hands on his head, as if giving a blessing. "Not without you there, Cissy. I haven't slept since you went and I swear that if you don't tell me what I've done, I'll have to end it all, just to feel relief."

His tears had soaked through her robes, and his whole body was heaving, choking on air, or lack of it.

"Lucius, it's me. You deserve so much more than me. I'm tearing your family apart, and I can't even give you a new one in its place. I want you to be happy."

Lucius rocked back and sat on his heels, pushing hair out of his face, which had grown red and puffy.

"Do I look happy to you, Narcissa?" he said loud enough that she worried someone would hear. "Do I look like a man who wants to be deprived of his wife?"

"You should sleep," she muttered, willing herself to look away, to preserve his dignity.

"I can't sleep! How many ways can I say it? Until you are lying with me I can't rest."

First she took out her wand and cleared his face of tears and mucus and redness; she heard him take a deep, shaking breath as she did. Then she stood, considering her words carefully.

"If we go to my room and lie down, will you be able to sleep?"

"Yes," he said eagerly, still on his knees in reverence. "Yes, I know I will, if you'll let me hold you."

"Then get up, and come on. I'll take you up the back way."

He rocketed up and followed her like a puppy, and once in her room stripped to his underwear in no time at all. Narcissa undressed only to her slip, and crawled into bed carefully so as not to disturb her hair, since she planned to return downstairs within the hour. Lucius wrapped his arms around her so tightly she could barely breath, and immediately she felt him relax. After 15 minutes of stiff cuddling, he was sound asleep, and she extracted herself to return downstairs.

"Where did you go, honey?" her mother asked when she slipped back into the living room. The guests had all gone home, and she was sitting with Walburga and Bellatrix.

"I took Lucius upstairs," Narcissa replied, taking the last chair around the coffee table. "He's sleeping."

Her mother's face softened, and she reached out to put a hand on her daughter's knee.

"Oh, well we don't need you down here then. The elves will clean all this up. We're just talking; why don't you go upstairs?"

Narcissa shook her head, lips sealed tight. Druella sighed and leaned back.

"Fine then. Tea?"

* * *

Narcissa slept in a guest room, although she didn't tell anyone. Early the next morning, without checking on Lucius, she went down and ate breakfast in uncomfortable silence with Orion, who was the only one up. The others drifted down as the sun rose, and by 9 they all found themselves in the living room once more, everything quiet until they heard the last set of footsteps coming downstairs.

Lucius, for his part, looked spectacular. He must have slept for 12 hours, and had a shave and shower to boot. His clothes were as well-pressed as always, and he was smiling broadly.

"Good morning all," he said as he entered the room, cane tapping along beside him. His tone was just a little too loud for the solemn affair. "I guess I'll be going now."

He went around and shook two shocked hands and kissed three astonished cheeks, stopping short when he reached Narcissa.

"I suppose this'll be goodbye then," he said, voice lowered slightly, although everyone looking on could still hear him as clear as day. "I'll have the papers drawn up and sent over, and of course you're very welcome to come fetch your things any time. Unless you'd prefer I just send them over with the elf? No matter, simply send an owl when you've made your choice."

He said all this in a way that suggested he was only discussing the weather or Quidditch statistics, and Narcissa's face froze as he did. He never gave her a chance to respond.

"Goodbye, lovely Narcissa," he finished, giving her a kiss just the same as the one he had given her mother. "I suppose not everything can last."

And with that, and one last nod to the crowd (who seemed to be warming up to his ruse; all shouted friendly goodbyes), he left. Ten seconds later the front door slammed shut, and Narcissa jumped to her feet at the sound. Her family was pretending to pay her no mind, passing the tea tray and chatting in somewhat bolstered spirits.

"I'll be right back," she said, and ran out.

Outside, Lucius was leaning on the garden gate, facing the house. He looked altogether too self-satisfied when Narcissa threw open the front door and froze at the sight of him.

"Have I forgotten something?" he called.

She balked, toes curling on the damp cobblestones of the path. It was cold out, but she barely felt it.

"Me," she finally peeped, only just loud enough for him to hear.

Narcissa didn't look up, but she heard four quick steps as soon as she said it, and when his shiny shoes came into her line of sight, she felt the pressure of his arms around her. Lucius picked her up exactly as she stood, her face nestled against his shoulder, arms pressed to her sides, and then took four steps back, past the gate and onto the sidewalk, to Apparate them home.

* * *

 **Well I'm going to be the first person to admit that I _was_ being honest in my last update and at that time this _was_ almost finished, so all I really did today was some loose proofreading - basically a disclaimer that it might not have been perfect since all I did was dust off the cobwebs. But I hope you guys enjoyed it because I've missed posting! **


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